Character Stuff Idk

💙💘stucky x fem!reader💙💘

Word count: 1.2k

warnings: Hints to SAD (Seasonal affective disorder), hints to mental illness, angst, hurt/comfort, panic attack? slightly beta read all mistakes are my own.

Feedback is highly appreciated <3

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Bad days fucking suck.

Bad weeks suck more.

It's been a week since your boyfriends, Steve and Bucky had been at work day and night.
You get it, business is important, and their job is extremely important to them but god it's so demanding you don't know how to cope.
It's getting warmer, but you still feel like shit. Down, miserable, lonely. Some days you feel overwhelming emotions of despair, frightened, and loneliness, and others you feel - nothing. Numb you could say.

The numb days aren't that bad, you don't feel anything to put it, so you just get on with it. The days you feel overwhelming emotions are the days that you suffer the most.

As soon as you woke up, you wanted to go back to sleep and sleep for the rest of the day, but no matter how hard you try, no matter how long you wait for that darkness to surround you, no matter how much you twist and turn to get comfortable without your boys in with you; you physically can not fall back asleep. So you get up.

Not entirely.

You stay in bed, awake and staring at the ceiling with your thoughts racing around your head as the sun slightly shines through the blackout curtains by the top. You didn't feel hungry from the anxiety you were experiencing and your energy levels were just down.

You didn't even get up to go to the bathroom, you were just too exhausted to get up and do anything, you just laid there in silence as your overwhelming emotions just got worse and worse.

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A good few hours later, a knock came on your door. Your head turned as your body tensed, who could it be?

"Malyshka?"

Oh, it was Bucky.

Your nerves calmed down a little as you heard the sweet nickname he's always called you. You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing.
When he heard nothing, he opened the door and Steve was with him, behind him and looking at you. They saw the state of the room and the deep frowns on their face said everything.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach, thinking they were disappointed in you. They were disappointed in you because you didn't look after yourself.

You blinked the tears away but they kept coming and as soon as you knew it, your vision became blurry and you choked out a sob. The feeling of disappointing your boyfriends just broke your heart. You never wanted to disappoint them. Never. But you had, and you hated it.

You looked away from the two, not wanting them to see you cry but they came to your side in an instant, Steve scooping you up in his arms and sitting on the bed, placing you in his lap.
You wrapped your legs around his hips and buried your head in the crook of his neck, the smell of his mind and jasmine cologne did nothing to calm your nerves as you sobbed into his shoulder, gripping his shirt as hard as you could, afraid he'll leave.

Your lungs felt like they were being crushed, your throat tight and your heart was racing, feeling like it was in your head with how loud you could hear it.

"It's okay sunshine, everything's okay," he spoke softly in your ear, though it felt like he was underwater. His hand ran up and down your back soothingly as he spoke affirmations to you.

"you're safe, sunshine. Nothing is going to hurt you,"

"We're here now, nothing to worry about, safe and sound,"

"Breathe with me sunshine, in... and out, that's it. In - and out, good girl,"

You can tell he's trying his best, he really is. He's still... unsure how to help you on these days but the fact that he's here and he's trying to help you is all that you need.

When you calmed down, which was a long process, you lifted your head up slowly and looked at him, your eyes had become sore and your throat dry from your rapid breathing.

"Here, malyshka," you heard Bucky from the side of you, holding a glass of water.

You tried to take it with your shaky hand, but Steve gently took your hand away. Bucky placed the rim of the glass to your lips.

He let you take small sips of the water, the cold water going down your throat felt amazing as you took more and more sips.

They didn't say anything at first, letting you calm down but they did lay you back down and they didn't leave your side.

Bucky curled up behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist and hands placed on your soft tummy, his chin resting between your shoulder blades while Steve had your head on his chest, your ear listening to his heart going at a steady rhythm, his hand playing with your locks of hair, his fingers running through the strands or twirling them around his finger, they both keeping you grounded.

"Why didn't you call us, sunshine?" Steve asked after at least ten minutes of silence. They both said multiple times that if you were having a tough day, call them and they'll be there. You're their priority.
"Knew you were busy... didn't want to disturb you," you reply, your voice hoarse from the sobbing earlier.

The pressure from Bucky's head on your back quickly went away, and his flesh hand came up and made you look at him "What did we tell you, malyshka? You. Come. First," he spoke, kissing your cheeks as he did "Fuck work, couldn't care for it, as long as we have you, you are out priority,"

His words alone could've made you burst into tears again, he meant every word and you knew it, the way his steel blues starred into yours, all the adoration and love is all you needed in those eyes.

"Understand?" Bucky asked, keeping your face towards him and keeping eye contact with you.

You were too scared to speak, worried that you'll start crying again so you nodded, not averting your eyes from his for a second.

"Good,"

He rests his head back on your shoulder blades and his hand where it was before, letting your head go back to Steve's chest.

The rest of the day, you three just stayed in bed, well you did. Your two boys brought you lunch and dinner since they did eventually find out you hadn't eaten, it was something small but it did you for a bit.

They looked after you and treated you like a queen, they even did some online shopping for you, ordering things that you looked at and liked even though you tried to reason with them that you didn't need more clothes, but their reasoning was that their queen needed to feel like one, they even fed you, and overall making you feel better.

You weren't 100% by the end of the day, but it was better than this morning. They made you smile, laugh, and the anxiety that you felt this morning had almost vanished.

They really meant the world to you, and you meant the world to them.