They Echo Me

31. Emma

I'd been here for 4 days now.

Mama said Father would be coming back home either tonight or tomorrow, so we spent most of the day cleaning and making sure everything was in perfect order before he came home. I still had waves of nausea and exhaustion that hit me unexpectedly, but I did my best to be as helpful as possible before I had no choice but to take a nap.

When I woke up, I went downstairs and found Elizabeth crying in Mama's arms. Mama was gently stroking her hair, murmuring gentle reassurances. I approached quietly, catching Mama's eye. Her face was streaked with tears, her eyes noticeably lacking their usual light, suddenly making her look so much older.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly, sliding onto the couch next to Elizabeth. She lifted her head off of Mama's chest and turned towards me.

Her neck was purple and blue, and her cheek was red and swollen and scratched. She looked defeated and angry...and a little embarrassed.

"Harris wants us to participate in the community ceremony later this week. And I...I don't know what came over me... Maybe I felt braver, after our meeting yesterday. Like your strength fueled me or something. And I...told him no..." Her expression hardened and her nostrils flared angrily. "So of course I got punished. And then he threatened to send me to The Prophet for discipline again." She looked away from me and chewed her lip, more tears streaming down her face.

"I hate him. I hate him so much." She whispered.

"Elizabeth, that's not a nice thing to say about your—" Mama chastised gently, before Elizabeth swung her head towards her, with vitriol in her eyes.

"Mama, I HATE him. If he dropped dead right this very second, I would dance on his body. I'd probably drag it outside and laugh as the vultures came down to finish him off for good. Then I'd scatter the remains in the community trash pile, where his father and Mr. Robert should have been buried."

I swallowed thickly, immediately feeling the effects of an uncomfortable cocktail of guilt, empathy, compassion, nausea...and reality.

I came here to escape.

And I did.

I came here to feel peace again.

And I did.

And a few things had changed. Mr. Augustus wasn't Orion. Some things had changed for the better. The women here had a tiny bit more freedom than they'd had back when I lived here.

But I'd conveniently forgotten some of the ugliest parts of my childhood.

I'd conveniently disregarded the fact that my Mama looked exhausted. Like she always had. She got up every single day at the break of dawn, and she cared for the animals, cleaned the house from top to bottom, cooked farm-to-table meals three times a day for Father and whoever else happened to wander into our house.

She gave and she gave and she gave.

All with a smile on her face, the patience of a true saint, and gentle, submissive tones. She did her best to be perfect, so she wouldn't be whipped or screamed at or forced to endure brutal, punishing sex.

Just like all the women did around here.

Just like I did.

This was my current haven, and I did feel more at ease here, but only because Daniel wasn't here yet. With the mark on my thigh and the pregnancy confirmation, no man could legally touch me. Not without Daniel's permission. But if they did, they'd likely just receive a slap on the wrist, and then it would still somehow be my fault.

I'd still be punished for it. I was definitely still going to be punished once my little vacation here was over.

Me coming here didn't really change anything.

I was still just as trapped as Elizabeth and Mama and all the other women here were.

"Baby, it is going to work. There's no way out for you love," is what Daniel told me just a few days ago. And I believed him. A few days of freedom wouldn't mean much in the long run, especially with me carrying his child now. I had no choice but to make it work. Forever. I had no choice but to pretend that I was ok with that.

Forever.

I felt sick.

Elizabeth stood up to Harris because of me, thinking I was so much braver than her. So much better off than her. So much more accomplished, more wise, more free.

Mama got up to go make some snacks and coffee for us, which was her way of providing love and comfort. I wrapped my arms around Elizabeth, choking back my sobs.

I needed to tell her. I needed to apologize for filling her with false hope. For making her and the other women believe that I wasn't just as powerless and as scared as they were.

But I couldn't stop crying. So I just held on for dear life, praying for the strength that she believed I actually possessed.

"Emma, you are my hero," she whispered through her sobs.

"Elizabeth, no, please don't—"

"No, but you are! I know I'm older than you, so maybe that's weird. But it's true." She squeezed me a little, emphasizing the truth behind her words.

"You don't understand, though—"

"I'm sure there are problems in your own marriage. I'm not naive enough to think anyone has a perfect relationship, even having someone as kind as Daniel for a husband... But I think you're incredible. So many of us do."

I cried harder, feeling even more ashamed. I didn't deserve to be called a hero. I didn't deserve to be put on a pedestal. I didn't deserve to get to come here and walk around happy and carefree, pretending my life was perfect when I was just as lost and scared and sad as everyone else.

"Elizabeth listen—"

She pulled away from me, staring at me with red, bleary, desperate eyes. "Emma, you have to help us. You have to help me get out of going to that community ceremony on Sunday. Please tell me you can help."

"I-I don't know what to do. What could we—"

"We'll...get the ladies together again. And we'll work together. We have to. I can't go to another ceremony, Emma. You've never been to one, but they're horrible. Even with the tea. It only helps so much when you're shared with two or three men at once, for hours. I don't even know if the baby I'm carrying is Harris' or The Prophet's yet," she whispered sadly.

My stomach dropped. I genuinely felt like I might throw up.

"Please Emma. Before you go back to Daniel. Help us get out of this. Help us put an end to this somehow," she pleaded, her eyes full of hope.

I couldn't tell her yet. Not everything. Not when she looked at me like she was barely holding on. Like she'd already half given up, and I was her only lifeline.

And I was beginning to think I really was.

"Ok. I will. I'll help. However I can. But if Daniel comes looking for me soon...you have to help me hide."