Guiltiness

Confession

Harry was taken aback by the new feeling sprouting in his heart. Draco was always important in his life; he used to be obsessed with him - that is, with the desire to win over him, to see his losses, his humiliation. Now he was overcome with tenderness, pity and – he had to admit – Draco's attraction. Draco looked much better in the morning after sleeping and seemed more composed. He was even willing to go to the hospital cafeteria for breakfast, even if it meant leaving Scorpius unsupervised for half an hour, considering the nurse was still reading the information from those scary machines in the next room.

Breakfast was a pleasant experience for Harry after a long time. It would be great to sit with Draco, smile, and talk to him...if only there weren't dire circumstances that brought them together. Of course, Harry wanted with all his heart Scorpius to get out of his coma as soon as possible, but what will be with the two of them then? Will Draco still be his friend? And what was that last night? Is this how friends treat each other? He was baffled. Suddenly he wanted Draco for himself, at least a piece of him. He didn't want to let him out of his life. But what will he be able to offer him when Draco no longer needs him? When he will be the perfect, balanced, elegant aristocrat again... He was already keeping his distance from Harry, and it was clear that what happened last night would not happen again. Harry blamed himself for not taking advantage of the several invitations he had received from Draco over the past few months. His stupid pride again. He was afraid he would be too dependent on him and worried he might fall in love with him, which he did anyway, but under strange circumstances.

When he heard Draco tell Scorpius about his late wife, he was touched but also a little jealous.

"You loved Astoria a lot, didn't you?" he asked.

"Yes, a lot. She helped me turn to the bright side. Come out of the darkness. She gave me Scorpius. I will never stop being grateful to her."

"I've never experienced love like this," Harry said with regret in his voice. "It was more of a friendship with Ginny. Everyone expected us to get married, so we did. I guess I'm not romantic enough."

"It was friendship for me too, big, beautiful, but it wasn't what you think. I have loved only one wizard all my life, but he hated me...."

Harry froze. Who, Merlin, does he have in mind?" He felt the sting of jealousy make him swallow hard.

"Don't say it didn't occur to you," Draco chuckled. "Are you really that thick-headed a Gryffindor?"

Harry looked at him in confusion.

"Harry, you were the one I loved my whole stupid life," Draco blurted out, burying his face in his hands.

Harry stopped as if he had been struck by lightning. Several scenes of him and Draco acting as fierce rivals played out in his head. Now he looked at their rivalry with new eyes. Did he really hate Draco throughout his studies at Hogwarts? He painfully remembered the time when he had unhappily beautiful dreams about him, and he hated himself for it... He immediately suffocated every glimmer of positive feeling in himself. Could anything have changed had he given Draco a chance back then? Could he have saved his friends' lives if he had Draco on his side?

If only then...

"I've got more blood on my hands than you," he whispered.

"Don't talk nonsense!" Draco admonished him, cupping his face in his hands. "You were a hero, and I... I became your enemy when I couldn't be anything more... But that doesn't mean you're to blame for my stupid decisions. We were kids, and I did what Lucius wanted, and you did what Dumbledore wanted. We were abused, you and me. I want you to know that I wasn't so bad...."

"If I gave you a helping hand, you probably wouldn't have gone over to the side of evil."

"Yes, Harry, it is possible. But I was alone, had no friends, only had my family, and wanted someone to like me, to be accepted."

Harry felt like he was sinking into some moral quagmire. Why the hell is Draco telling him this? Now, what about that? Does he want Harry to feel guilty till he dies?

"And what do you want from me, Draco?"

"Forgiveness," Draco said quietly. "For everything I've done to you. You don't know how hard it was to keep hurting you when all I wanted was your friendship and love. Please, Harry, forgive me."

Harry wrapped Draco in his arms. "I forgave you a long time ago. Do you think I'd be here with you if I hated you?"

"Not so sure about it. You like saving people," Draco chuckled.

"I would like our children to have more freedom than we had. To make them happier. So that they have a choice, not like us, I'm trying to be a good dad to Albus, but I'm just not up to it," Harry said.

"Crap. They are almost adults. They are great. We did a good job," Draco said smugly. A shadow crossed his face again as he realised his son's condition. Involuntarily he remembered Amos Digorry, who had to survive the death of his beautiful son. Such a thing cannot be outlived. Draco was sure that if Scorpius died, he would take his own life. The thought of Harry was making him very worried now. There is someone else in his life who matters to him and who is worth living for. He pulled Harry into his arms and kissed him gently on the mouth.

"Sorry, Harry. I can't wait any longer." Harry kissed him back. For a moment, they seemed to forget that they were in a hospital room, forgetting everything that had once divided them and now united them. They kissed with an enthralling passion like never before as if their whole lives depended on it. They whispered their names between sighs, clasping each other's hands in a tight embrace. They intertwined their tongues and bit each other's lips with an energy that caught them both by surprise. They had absolutely no idea how to stop the flood of emotions they were overwhelmed with.