JADE (young justice/robin)

51. end me

Gotham
October 11, 20:11 EST

batgirl.

Looking at myself in the mirror was a mistake. I didn't need to visualize how weak I was, I could feel it. My heart fastened until it was beating out of my chest that was closing in on itself, slowly choking me until my vision grew foggy.

I reeled over the sink, wondering if I was going to be sick, but all that came out of me were shaky gasps for air. My skin pattered against the tile, trembles from the numb itch that crawled beneath my skin.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I breathed in, "One, two..." I whimpered, and hot tears boiled in my eyes threatening to spill.

I shook my head, trying again. Breathe in. "One, two, three, four..." The tears slipped out and I crumbled to my knees. Oh god, please stop.

Hands clawing at my own skull, I breathed in. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five.

I leaned into the wall near the sink, waiting for my heart to slow.

I fell like I'm going crazy. Maybe I am.

I pulled my phone out.

Could call Arrow. But what would he do? He has a daughter to worry about. So does Artemis.

Could call Bart. But he'd just get scared, make me worry more.

Could call Mac. He'd understand. But that's weird, I've never called Mac.

Canary would just tell me to breathe, Bruce would tell me to come to the manor, Red would tell me to do both.

Hearing the dial tone, made my stomach turn.

"Hello...? Carter?"

Bringing myself to speak was painful. "Sorry, I called by accident."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay... I'll call you again later?"

More tears slipped out from my eyes, and my lip trembled. "Yeah, sure."

"Car, you sound like you're crying."

"I'm not," I sniffled, unable to control myself. "I just..."

"Why don't I pick you up from the rink?"

"No, you don't have to do that—"

"I'm gonna head over now, okay?"

I shuddered from the crying. "Okay."

Slowly, I stepped out of the bathroom, red-nosed and puffy-eyed. Cissie mildly understood, but Miles didn't. "Were you crying?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You look like—"

"Let's just start practicing again, yeah?"

My irritability, only worsened Miles'. "Fine, whatever."

At this point, it was clear that we had lost whatever synchronicity we used to possess. The years of figuring one another out held no value now. If anything we were progressively getting worse by the minute, and it threatened to induce my panic all over again.