Sparks Fly

Chapter 16

My heart thunders as I slink along the alleyways of the Seam. A plain wool overcoat conceals the simple white dress I wear beneath. My mother believes that I'm going to Madge's house to spend the night, but I'm not. I'm going home.

It was Peeta's idea to do the toasting in the house I grew up in, away from the prying eyes of my mother and sister. He knows what this means to me, that I've given up on my lifelong pact to never marry, and wants it to be as pleasant and comfortable an experience for me as possible (hence the plan to host the ceremony at my home in the Seam). Although I have no doubt in my mind that I'm making the right decision to be with Peeta, there's still a terror as old as time threatening to shore up the walls that I've worked so hard to break down for him.

It's not that he convinced me to give it up, because he didn't. This was my choice entirely, and I know that he would never be upset with me if I backed out. He'd be hurt, but he would respect my decision; he's witnessed firsthand just how cruel this world can be – if there's anyone that would understand, it's him. At least, that's how he had reacted when I told him I would never give him children.

I'd told him last night, as we were going over the final details of our little wedding. I hadn't wanted to crush his excitement, but I couldn't in good conscience commit myself to him forever without telling him this crucial detail for our future. There was a heartbroken look on his face for a second, but it was gone the next.

"I love you precisely the way you are, Katniss," he'd said. "This changes nothing for me. If you don't want kids, we won't have them. I can't say that I wouldn't like them at some point, but I promise that I will never not respect your decision, I will never pressure you to change it, and I will never come to resent you for it, either. Although I don't agree, I understand completely."

I can't help but think that I really do not deserve his love.

I loose a breath I hadn't realized I was holding in, and dare a look around at my surroundings. The air is slightly warmer now. The snow has begun to melt, causing a thin, black stream of coal and water to flow down the streets. A few plants and flowers are beginning to shoot up from the ground, and there are birds twittering nearby. Spring is nearly here.

I arrive at our little cottage and go quickly inside. I hang up my coat and draw the blinds. Tonight is for us, and I don't want to risk the off chance that someone might glance in. I hunt down the matches and light the candles that we already have scattered around the room, illuminating the house with a warm glow. The hearth, where we will soon be kneeling, is a bit dirty, so I find an old broom and sweep the dirt and coal dust off of it. When I'm satisfied that it's clean, I check that the wood pile is fully stocked and find a rickety chair to sit in while I wait for Peeta.

It's not long until he arrives, breathless and beautiful as ever. It's sunset now, and the final golden rays are glinting off of his hair, his face, giving the appearance that he's radiating sunlight. He shuts the door behind him and sets down the loaf of bread that he's carrying on the small, worn dinner table. He smiles as me, and I can see the adoration in his eyes when he takes in the sight of me in my dress. It's a casual cotton frock that Cinna had originally made for me to wear for our tour of the beach in District 4 before he settled on a soft turquoise number instead. The short sleeves are slightly puffed, with a fitted bodice and skirt that ends just above my knees. There's hidden pockets in the folds of the skirt, but that's where the intricacies end. It's honestly one of Cinna's less spectacular looks, but Peeta is staring at me as if I'm the most stunning creature he's ever seen.

I stand up and do a small twirl for him. "Is it everything you'd hoped for?" I ask, a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

He gathers me in his arms, greeting me with a kiss. "Everything and more," he says. "By the way, I brought something for you. It's not that nice, but I saw them and thought you might like to have them anyways." He holds something out in his hands for me.