The day I had opened this draft, was the day I was going to kill myself.
I was going to kill myself on April 24, 2023
On April 24, 2023, I left school early
I left school early and I walked to Shopper's
I walked to Shopper's to buy a box of razors
A box of razors, but I only used one, I only needed one
I only needed one because I was planning on slitting my wrists
I was planning on slitting my wrists, but all I did was slice into my ankles
All I did was slice into my ankles before texting my friend to say goodbye
I texted them, but that wasn't our last goodbye.
I was going to kill myself April 24, 2023, but I didn't.
The next morning after sleeping at my friend's, I texted my ex
I sent him three paragraphs on his birthday, but I don't think I told him that I was planning on killing myself the day before
I didn't tell many people
My teachers didn't know that the day I left early was supposed to be the last time they saw me
I don't think I ever could've told them
Not out of fear that they would care, but out of fear that they wouldn't.
Deep down, I still fear that not many people would care if I was gone
It's my own doing, I push people away when they get too close
If I feel, even for a second, that they aren't willing to know me
I push them away before they get the chance to
That's how my last relationship ended
He didn't know me, I hardly knew him
I know I should've tried harder
But I didn't
There's no need to chase strangers
But I did
I chased after my ex
We've talked every single day since his birthday
Because he makes me feel like he wants to know me
I've always known him
I used to say that I knew him better than he knew himself
Which may be true in some regards
But I also feel like I should actually get to know him before claiming I do
He's starting to know me
Maybe I'll kill myself next year, I want to see where this goes
