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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN ▪▫▪▫▪
ARRIVING AT THE FORT IN ZVEDYA WAS TORTURE. She had to stand there, beside Alina and Mal, listening to the retellings of their adventure, reminding herself that Baghra had died and Mal was on his way to join her. Reminding herself that she couldn't just fall into Nikolai's arms no matter how badly she wanted to.
Tomorrow they'd go into battle. One team to find the already found Firebird, another to fight the Darkling, her father—the monster who'd slaughtered an orphanage out of spite.
Morana was not looking forward to tomorrow. Not when so much was at risk. Not when it would decide whether they won or failed miserably.
She tried to sleep. She really did. Wrapping herself around the covers of the bed in the room she was given for the night. But sleep evaded her, the bed was cold and Morana could feel herself shattering all over again.
All the progress she'd made to hold herself in the light, was as if gone, and the shadows were trying to claw their way back. Her father was a monster. Her mother was a monster. Her grandmother was dead. Morana was no one. Nothing.
Because whether they won or lost, she had no life to go back to afterward. Sturmhond wouldn't be in the sea; and Nikolai, in all his promises of fixing whatever they'd broken between them, had responsibilities far greater than a pirate of shadows.
Morana looked at the compass sitting on the nightstand and closed her eyes tightly. The shadows were trying to get to her. And despite everything that told her to stay in her room, Morana needed her sun to bring her back. Just for one night.
Getting dressed, Morana forgo her attempts at sleeping and slipped off her room, wandering the halls of the fort in search of Nikolai. She found herself standing outside his door. With a deep breath, Morana knocked on the door.
There was a moment when she didn't hear anything inside and Morana started doubting her judgment to come here. To search for him. But then she heard his footsteps and the door swung open and her eyes met his hazel ones.
She didn't waste a second as she fell into his arms and Nikolai staggered back, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly to him as he closed the door behind her. "Mora, what happened?"
"I just... I couldn't sleep," she said meekly into his chest, feeling pathetic at how she sounded but not caring enough to let him go.
"Worried about tomorrow?" he asked quietly as he ran his fingers through her hair and Morana nodded, and just like that she felt the shadows going away, falling behind. "Me too."
Morana sighed, pulling away from him, and looked up at his face. Nikolai's lips tugged into a small smile as he tucked her hair behind her ear and both of them got lost in each other's eyes. "Let's just pretend," Morana found herself whispering.
