Wacky Outlandish Adventures (WAO)

Silly Adventurer Antics

The Huntress: "Were you speaking just now?"

Me? Speak? Absolutely not. I curtail myself to narration, Huntress.

The Huntress: "I don't know what that means but I definitely just heard you calling me Huntress."

I do not have time for your silly adventurer antics, Huntress. I mustn't distract myself from my storytelling.

The Druid: "What is a magic tree doing in the middle of a canyon?"

The Druid's observation was baseless. There was absolutely no concrete proof that I was magic.

The Rogue: "Yeah, I just think that they're some sort of crazy, talking tree."

The incredible perception of the Rogue was acute enough to spot a single, glaring mistake that I had made that would reveal my hidden speaking ability. I seemed to have spoken.

The Druid: "Why do you talk like that?"

The great majority of stories are told in the past tense, Druid. I am just respecting the method of narration that is usually employed. I would suggest you read a book, but I am not one for felling.

The Druid: "I asked BECAUSE I read a lot of books: you talk exactly like one!"

A grimace appeared on the timber's magnificent face. The group could tell the sapling was feeling quite satisfied with his sesquipedalian vocabulary.

The Druid: "That wasn't a compliment!"
The Huntress: "Listen, you're blocking the way and we really need to get past. We have very wacky, outlandish adventures to get up to on the other side of you."

Ah yes! Your glorious quests! Never have I seen such an enthralling thing as your various escapades! I loved watching every single moment of your formidable journey! Who, but you, could ever manage to defeat the young King of rebukes, whose crow-like eyes could make kakappas quiver in fear, in the most glorious rap battle that anybody has ever witnessed?! And who, if not you, could free Tweety, the ancient golden dragon whose scales could blind all creatures with four or less eyes, from her ice prison situated beneath the hells?! And don't even get me started on that time you completely annihilated an army of penteptapes all by yourselves!

The Alchemist: "We've… never done any of the things you just mentioned."
The Rogue: "Well, I actually may very well have. But I probably just forgot."
You haven't done those things yet? Oh, perhaps I was mistaken. My mind was still cluttered by all the narrating.

The Artificer: "Wait, is that what those things are called? Penteptapes? They ARE monkeys?"
Oh, the things that you will discern about this world! There sure is divertissement to be done!

The Druid: "That sounds plagiarised, Doctor Sorbus."

I am delighted that you have chosen such a name for me, Druid. Although, I do possess a moniker of my own. And I shall le- Are… Are those axes? Oh… Ohohoh… Now, let's not get TOO hasty! Conifers such as myself only live for circa 400 years after all! All you would need to do is wait a couple hundred more years! What's a pair of centuries in the comforting company of a great book!? Nothing! It's nothing!

But, alas, it seemed my supplications were not enough to save my wooden self, and as I came down in all my might, I thought about what I could've said differently to convince the adventurers to sheathe their axes and put our differences aside; two of which being abnormal brain power and killer looks, for example. Another (fatal) one being: possessing multiple axes. I convinced myself that not mentioning how alluring I find my own bark was probably a good move, in retrospect.

The Huntress: "Sorry for cutting you down, mr. Doctor. I promise we'll come back for you eventually!"
The Artificer: "Here, have this cool pin."

Oh, marvelous! What does this instrument do, illustrious Artificer? Will it help me bear the cold of the night, and the harshness of sunlight? Will it save me from all kinds of danger, by swiftly teleporting me to a pocket dimension? Will it-

The Artificer: "Relax, it's just a cool pin. I thought you'd like it."

Oh. Well. I suppose I do. Thank you.

The Artificer: "Yeah. Anyway, seeya around, Sorbus."

And off they go, onto a new chapter. More discoveries, secrets, friends, enemies, and weird-looking primates await them. I simply can not wait to see what kind of wacky, outlandish adventures they get up to. In the meantime, I will continue laying here on the earth and pretend to be gently reposing so as to avoid the penteptapes's gaze. I have heard from a very reliable source that creatures with 5 or more eyes can only see moving things. Which is strange, right? I would've thought that having more eyes indicated a superior sight, but apparently that isn't the case. Then again, the penteptape that confessed this to me seemed to be a bit intoxicated at the time, so maybe the source isn't VERY reliable, in the end...

...I am beginning to suspect that I may have been deceived.

Oh, my pin has a floreal composition on it! Neat.