Sadie (18+)

Chapter 16

It was an Alessi tradition to bake Italian cookies at the end of the trip, so Gina, Julia and I were standing in the kitchen of the lodge, our sleeves rolled up, hands clean and ready. Tony was watching a movie, and Vincent was on the deck by the hot tub, closing it back up.

Things between Tony and I were a little uncomfortable. I couldn't imagine what he must have been thinking that night after our encounter, but it didn't matter much—he would be back at college soon enough. He was an important reminder that I definitely didn't prefer the affections of a college guy. I avoided his gaze nonetheless, still worried about a possible confrontation.

Things with Vincent, however, were much worse, but I shoved the thought away every time it permeated my mind, too guilty to even fathom what had happened. I would be lying if I said I hadn't suffered the effects of it, though, as my attraction to him has grown horrifically in the process.

I always enjoyed spending time with Gina, but I couldn't help but sense the sickly presence of my mistakes looming over me as we gathered the ingredients.

She had instructed me to crack a few eggs and whisk them together, but in doing so I had accidentally drawn her attention to me.

"That's very impressive, Sadie," Gina said, referring to the eggs I had cracked with one hand, a newly learned skill. "How did you learn to do that?"

I paused, vomit threatening to spew, head spinning. I took a deep breath, swallowed my emotions and turned to her, giving a coy smile. "I watched some videos online."

I heard Julia snicker beside me. "That's so cute."

I narrowed my eyes at her, a blush threatening to tint my cheeks. "Shut up."

She held her hands up defensively. "It is cute. I think Dad cracks them the same way."

I swallowed. "Oh really?"

"Yup," she said, popping the 'p'. She gave me a smile, the kind she sometimes gives for no reason other than the fact that she's happy I'm there. I smiled back, pretending things were normal.

We became absorbed in the creation of Gina's infamous cookies soon after. Oil, sugar, salt, and flour were mixed together with busy, powdery hands. Gina liked to make extra cookies for her friends and neighbors, so these ingredients were not used sparingly.

We began to roll the dough into tiny balls, lightly chatting, sometimes sneaking bits into our mouth. Gina didn't get upset about messes like my mother did; in fact, I think she embraced the disorderly nature of it, the sticky counters and dirty apron. When I dropped a spoon, she waved her hand, saying she'll get it later, that our attention needed to be on the cookies as though they were baby chicks about to hatch.

The creation continued as balls of dough were shoved into the freezer, placed onto parchment paper after being chilled, then into the oven. A creamy vanilla glaze was then made, the goopy, warm consistency momentarily sweeping me off my feet and into the car with Vincent where the sugar had glimmered on his lips.

Speaking of which, Vincent was still finishing up outside when it started to snow, the flurries gentle and soft as they peppered his hair. I watched from the window, distracted.

In the corner of my eye, I spotted a deer, a female, as no antlers were present. The doe sniffed around, digging a hoof into the snow. I gathered Gina and Julia, pressing a finger to my lips so they knew to be quiet. We watched the timid animal for a moment as the heat from the oven filled the room.

Gina gently tapped the window to get Vincent's attention; he turned to her, confusion forming a line between his brows until she pointed behind him at the deer. When Vincent turned back around, awe transformed his face.

"Do we have any food for her?" Julia asked, walking over to the fridge. She began rummaging around for something a deer would like.

"There's baby carrots in the bottom shelf, I think," Gina replied, distracted by the animal, her mouth curving into a soft smile.

I had never paid any particular attention to animals, but Julia's parents had always loved them, which in turn caused me to see them in a different light, even appreciate them as more than just a coexisting species.

"Go give these to Dad," Julia said, dropping a handful of tiny, cold carrots into my palm.

I nodded, taking the carrots outside, shutting the sliding door behind me. The snowflakes melted into my hair as I made my way over to Vincent, the deer backing up in response to the noise.

"Julia said to give these to you," I whispered, handing him the bunch. "She looks hungry."

The doe's nose was black and wet as she sniffed around the cool air, carefully surveying us from a comfortable distance. Upon closer inspection, the poor animal looked tired and starved, her ribs evident through her matted fur.

Vincent walked slowly, but only to the edge of the deck where he tossed the carrots in her direction. The doe stared at us with bright, attentive eyes, her lashes thick, before advancing to the carrots.

I thought about the hard life she had, the energy it must take to get through each day without succumbing to the brutality of nature. And then I watched Vincent, who was too distracted to even register my presence, and realized I may be falling for him in a way that can't be reversed.

I didn't want to disturb him, so I retreated back to the kitchen where Gina and Julia had just taken the cookies out of the oven. The doe bolted after Vincent came back inside a few minutes later, his nose and cheeks tinted pink, his hair wet and slick, strands sticking to his forehead.

"Are you ready to try them?" Gina asked Vincent as he walked over to her. "I just have to add the glaze."

"Of course," he replied quietly. "They smell delicious." His tone sounded unusually distant, which added to the suffocating guilt that had its knife against my throat.

Once we'd added the vanilla glaze, which dribbled down the sides of the cookies, we all sat together at the dining table with a plate full of them. I was quite solemn as I nibbled on a cookie, realizing I had done a lot of damage to each person sitting around me at the table.

I insisted on cleaning up after we'd all eaten, even pushing Gina away when she said she would help. I told her to get some rest, that we had a long drive back home tomorrow. She was thankful, kissing the top of my head and holding me in a quick embrace that made me want to cry.

I was alone in the kitchen cleaning up when the glimmer of Gina's wedding ring distracted me as it sat alone on the windowsill. I forgot she'd taken it off before she started baking. I grabbed the shiny piece of jewelry, twirling it in my hand. Curiosity took over as I slid the ring onto my finger, admiring the way it glistened against my skin.

I heard footsteps, in which my hand instinctively flew behind my back.

"Sadie, did you see my wedding ring anywhere?" Gina asked from the doorway of the bathroom, clad in a fuzzy robe, her hair tightly wrapped up in a towel. "I forget where I put it. I know it's around here somewhere."

"I didn't see it," I said, "but I'll keep an eye out."

She thanked me, then headed into the bedroom. I tried yanking the piece of jewelry off, which now felt awfully snug. After a few forceful tugs, the ring finally popped off. I rubbed my raw skin before placing it back on the windowsill, waiting for my frenzied heartbeats to regulate again.

Through the kitchen window above the sink, a set of bright, glowing eyes were watching me as they reflected the light. After studying the oddity, I realized they belonged to a seemingly familiar doe who must have come back for more carrots.

I had never been more thankful that animals couldn't talk.