The Photographer

(35) Its over

Iris stepped back from Ben's embrace. This wasn't what she'd expected or what she wanted at all. His behaviour seemed bizarre to say the least. Although she'd been worried about her husband and was more than relieved to see him home safe, she still didn't want to be with him anymore. She didn't love him like she used to, her heart was now with Seb and as hard as it was she now had to come (almost) clean and admit to him that for her, their marriage was over.

At first Ben was a bit confused; he'd just told her that he was willing to try to forgive and move on, why was she pulling back from him? And why did she suddenly look so unnerved and sad? "Babe?" he reached for her again but she just turned and walked towards the lounge, giving him no choice but to follow.

Her stomach flipped as she sat down on the sofa and patted the seat next to her with a soft, "please, sit down. We should talk."

He was hit with an ominous feeling that he wasn't going to like what she had to say but he sat down anyway, turning to face her until their knees were touching.

It took several seconds of her mind flailing around for the right words before she think about speaking and all this time she was aware of Ben looking at her and trying to read her expression for any clue as to what she might say.

But it dawned on him before she could speak. All these awful puzzle pieces finally started to fit together in his mind - the lack of intimacy in their marriage, particularly the lack of sex; the way she seemed to prefer her job to spending time with himself; she'd seemed distant a lot lately and they didn't talk like they used to and that was as well as the mammoth issue of her sleeping with another man, even if it was just a one night stand like she'd insisted. He'd lost her, he just knew it.

"Ben," she began, anxiously fiddling with her fingers.

"It's over isn't it," he cut in glumly, staring ahead with a solemn expression on his face as the magnitude of it began to hit home.

She felt lost for words, what she'd wanted to say to him had escaped her brain during those four words he'd spoken. All she could say was, "I'm so sorry."

He closed his eyes as they filled with tears, trying to mentally grasp on to some kind of explanation as to why their relationship had crumbled around him. His mind went back to her infidelity. "Is it because of him? That man you slept with?" He didn't even bother hide to the bitterness he felt as he thought back to that photo. "Are you seeing him? Is it more than a one night stand?"

This is where she knew she'd have to tread carefully; he couldn't know about Seb yet and she didn't want Ben to think that she was seeing someone else, he had to think that she'd be on her own like he would be. "There's no one else, it really was just a one night thing and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of," she said, watching the tears silently rolling down his cheeks, "I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that, I was weak, drunk and made a stupid mistake, one that I instantly regretted."

Regret - he latched on to that word and lifted his head to look at her, reaching out and grabbing one of her hands at the same time, "if you regret it then surely that means something for us, doesn't it?"

Placing her other hand over the top of his she slowly shook her head, "it's also made me realise that I'm not happy, Ben. It's made me realise that I just don't feel the same way about you anymore, I think we've outgrown each other," she admitted.

He let out a sob and vigorously disagreed, "no! I love you, Iris, and I'll always love you, I'll never stop loving you!"

She tried to fight the emotion but it was futile. She'd grown up with this man; he'd been by her side since their school days, through all the good times and the bad. He'd been her rock, the one constant in her life, a towering pillar of unconditional love, loyalty and support and she was repaying him for all of that by breaking his heart. Even though she loved Seb and knew he was the one for her, it was still so deeply sad and upsetting to be ending their marriage. "I don't love you in the same way anymore," she confessed, sniffing as she began to get upset, "I don't love you in the way that you deserve."