You Were What You Eat

21. Sharon's Explanation

Over the next few days, Anna noticed a subtle change in Carmine. Ever since Sharon had stormed out of the cafeteria, she and Joanna had stopped eating lunch with Anna, Mia and Carmine. Sharon had tried to convince Anna to join her and Joanna instead, but Anna refused to leave Carmine sitting by herself in the cafeteria – partly out of loyalty, partly out of guilt. Anna had asked Sharon why she'd decided not to eat with them anymore.

"It's not you." Sharon told her, shrugging. "It's Carmine."

"Why don't you want to eat lunch with Carmine anymore?" Anna asked, slightly annoyed at having to rephrase the question.

"Look," Sharon said, sighing. "I've known Carmine for almost ten years now. And I've put up with her acting childish for all of them. I don't mind that she likes to read about myths and legends – it's actually pretty interesting what she learns. I don't even mind it really when she explains how some myths are related to modern-day things. But to actually convince yourself that vampires are real? To me, she's just taking it too far."

"But if it makes her happy to think those things..." Anna trailed off.

"I know." Sharon told her. "I do understand that. But there comes a time when you have to stop believing in things that aren't real. To be as old as she is and to really believe that vampires are lurking in dark alleys, taking over the town? She's delusional. And I don't want to hang out with delusional people."

"I see." Anna told her truthfully. "But it doesn't seem to be hurting anybody...she just...has an active imagination." she finished lamely.

"Not hurting anybody?" Sharon asked. "Not yet. But wait and see. If she keeps making up stories like that, someone will get hurt – maybe her, maybe somebody else, I don't know. But I do know that I don't want any part in it. If she comes to her senses, I'll still be friends with her. If not..." Sharon trailed off, shaking her head sadly.

Since then, Anna hardly saw Sharon around at all, except of course for geography – which had become quite awkward since Carmine and Sharon's falling out. Now, every day Carmine would sit board-straight in class, careful not to notice anything Sharon did in the seat just behind her. Sharon, for her part, acted as though nothing was wrong and wore an exaggerated air of indifference. Anna pretended not to notice either of them and avoided the whole situation by taking incredibly thorough notes of absolutely everything that came out of Mr. Wilson's mouth.

With the exception of their bizarre behavior in geography, Carmine and Sharon both refused to acknowledge each other's presence and avoided each other whenever possible. At lunch, neither Sharon nor Joanna were ever mentioned, and both groups now sat on opposite ends of the cafeteria. Since it was starting to get warmer outside, Anna, Mia and Carmine tried to sit outside whenever they could.

Despite the fact that Carmine steadfastly ignored everything Sharon did, Anna could easily see that their argument had affected Carmine deeply. While she pretended that nothing was wrong, it was obvious that the loss of her two friends had been quite a shock to Carmine, and she was much more subdued since the event. She now only smiled halfheartedly at Anna and Mia during lunch, and it was suddenly the two of them that kept conversations going.

It hadn't helped that the whole school had somehow found out about Carmine's theory. Suddenly, everywhere Carmine went, she was greeted by smirks and soft snickers. Carmine managed to keep her head up, ignoring the whispers of crazy vampire-hunter as she walked down the hall.

At lunch, Anna and Mia made a concerted effort to have their little group sit on the far side of the courtyard, near the grass. Anna hoped that by sitting as far away from everyone else as possible, Carmine might at least get some break from the near-constant stares and not-so-subtle remarks being thrown her way throughout the rest of the day. Even though the group now sat quite a few feet away from any other students, Anna was disappointed to realize that it hadn't worked as well as she'd hoped. True, they were now out of earshot from the whispers, but crowds of students still snuck glances their way.

Anna and Mia tended to sit facing the students in an effort to protect Carmine. Anna did her best to ignore the looks her group received, but it was hard. Even though she knew she wasn't the focus of all this unwanted attention, Anna still found herself feeling awkward. She knew that at lunch at least, she was being judged as much as Carmine, and how long would it be before people started looking at her that way? Would they think she was supporting Carmine's vampire theory? As much as Anna had always liked to think she was above caring about what humans might think of her personally, going to school and being surrounded by them day after day had made her realize that their opinions of her were more important than she would have imagined possible.

After over a week of sneers and jeers, Anna found herself moving to sit beside Carmine rather than stare at the judging faces of the other students. Anna hoped that Carmine wouldn't sense the feeling of awkwardness that washed over Anna every time they sat down to lunch. Unfortunately for Anna, she wasn't quite as subtle as she had hoped.

After the bell rang one day, Anna and Carmine slowly stood up, ready to head for class. Mia, of course, stayed where she was. As Anna and Carmine made their way across the courtyard, trying to stay behind the crowd of students heading back to class, Carmine spoke up, forcing Anna to realize that maybe Carmine wasn't as oblivious to what was going on as she seemed.

"I'm sorry I'm putting you through this." she said sincerely. Anna was dumbfounded by the directness of the statement.

"What do you mean?" she asked, trying to buy time. She hoped Carmine wasn't really talking about the sense of embarrassment that came over Anna more often than she'd like to admit.

"Well..." Carmine started. "I know how everyone in school thinks I'm crazy. But since you and Mia still hang out with me, I know they're starting to wonder about you, too."

"You mean, they wonder if I'm crazy?" Anna didn't like the sound of that. Her mind started to flash back to her experiences in her hometown – the first time she'd attracted too much negative attention. Quickly she shook her head, bringing herself back to reality.

"Yeah," Carmine continued, seemingly unaware of the sudden turn Anna's thoughts had briefly taken. "I mean, I know you don't believe me. And I feel bad that you're starting to be lumped in with me because of it."

"It's not that..." Anna started.

"It's not what?" Carmine looked intensely at Anna, trying to discern her meaning. "It's not that you don't believe me? So you do believe me, then?" Carmine asked, correctly interpreting the expression that Anna was too slow to hide.

"Well...I don't know..." Why did Anna have such a problem lying? Why couldn't she just tell Carmine that no, she didn't believe her vampire theory? Quickly, she changed the subject. "How do you handle it? All the stares, the comments...how can you seem so calm about it all?"

"Because." Carmine answered simply. "I know I'm right. Not just that I think I might be right – I know it, deep down. How could I be wrong about something that fits so perfectly? It explains everything." Anna thought about this for a minute before responding.

"I admire your conviction" she said honestly. Carmine looked surprised at first, then laughed.

"You know," she told Anna, "sometimes you can be really strange."

"Oh..." Anna mumbled, not sure what else to say.

"Look, don't worry about me." Carmine told her. "I'll be fine. Sooner or later everyone will see that I'm right. I just have to keep going until they do."

Anna and Carmine walked the rest of the way down the hall together in silence, both lost in thought. When they reached the end of the hall, Carmine put her hand on Anna's shoulder.

"Don't worry," she told Anna. "I'm right, and I know it. That's enough for me." She smiled reassuringly at Anna before turning and heading through the last door on the right and into her algebra class. Anna walked the rest of the way to French, trying to figure out how she could not worry.