Do I wanna know? - Jamie Cook

51 - Closure

TW: mentions of sexual harassment, past traumas, depression
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- I do. I know what you're feeling now. It happened to me too - Tom said calmly. I looked at him shocked, realizing I had clearly messed up.

- I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Tom - I said, really nervous. - I-I didn't know. I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry - I said and covered my face with my hands, ashamed.

- It's okay, you didn't know. You're good - he said and put a hand on my thigh. I uncovered my face and looked him in the eyes.

- It was a few years ago, and it doesn't bother me now. But I kept it to myself back then, thinking that nobody would believe me. It isn't common that men talk about it, after all - he said, and squeezed my leg. - And I started having flashbacks, and eventually I stopped going out, too scared that it would happen again. And I don't want you going through that, that's why I said all that - he smiled at me, and I felt more at ease.

- I don't want you to stop enjoying your life because you're scared it will happen again. If that happens, that prick is getting away with what he did -.

- But I thought the police took him - I replied, worried.

- They did, and I hope he rots in jail. But if you stop doing the things that you love, all because you're afraid, he still would've won. He will have damaged you. But you're very strong, and I know you will get through this - Tom said, and I had to look at my shoes. I couldn't look at his face; I was angry at myself because of what I had said to him. He could've chosen to get angry at me, but here he was, helping me out.

- And I'm here for you, and I will make sure you don't end up like I did - he said.

- How did you end up? - I asked him. - If you don't mind me asking - I said shyly.

- You sure you wanna know? - he asked and I nodded in response.

- Okay - he said and I saw how his Adam's apple moved as he swallowed. - I started to stop trusting the people around me, fearing they would do something to me, so I pushed away everyone important in my life. I stopped talking to my friends and my family, and I stopped going out. This led to me falling into a depressive state. I don't want to tell you the rest - he looked away, and I could tell that a few tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. All I did was hug him.

- I'm sorry you had to go through that - I mumbled against his chest, rubbing his back.

- It's fine. I'm fine now - he said and I stopped hugging him to look him in the eyes.

- I'm sorry I snapped at you. You were trying to help me. I'm sorry - I said to my friend and he gave my hand a squeeze.

- It's all good - he smiled. - I can give you the number of a very good therapist. She helped me a lot back then - he said softly.

- That would be great - I nodded and handed him my phone. He saved the number and then gave it back to me.

- Thank you -.

After I returned home, I hesitated in calling the therapist at first, but I ended up doing it. It wouldn't hurt to have one session and see if it helped me. I managed to get an appointment next week, so I only had to wait. Between work and stuff, time passed in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it, I was sitting in the waiting room. Tom had offered to come with me, but I told him that I would be alright; though he made me promise to him that if I needed anything, I would call him.

- Good evening, please come in - a tall woman said to me with a bright smile.

- I'm Doctor Anderson, please sit down - she said as she pointed at a black sofa. I sat on it and she took a seat in front of me. - So what brings you here, Phoebe? - she asked me as she grabbed her note pad.

- Uhm, a friend of mine recommended me to come here - I said and pressed my lips together. - Something happened to me at a party. I think I got sexually harassed - I said nervously, playing with my fingers.

- I'm sorry that happened to you. Would you tell me what happened exactly? - she said in a calm tone, and I felt like I could tell her anything.

So I told her everything I could remember from that night, and also what Tom had told me. I shed a few tears but I felt a lot better after the session ended, so I came back. I felt relieved to talk about what had happened to me at the party. After a few sessions, I felt like a was a brand new person. I healed some wounds that I didn't know I had, and it felt like a burden had been taken off of my back.

Therapy really helped to give some closure to the Jamie thing as well. I closed that chapter of my life for good, but a small part of me would always love him and cherish the beautiful moments we had together; that's why it hurt a lot when that letter arrived.