A Photographer's Viewpoint

Closure

L U C I E L

Two Weeks Later...

Impulsive decisions not always has a positive outcome. More than half of the time it leads to regret or to a spiral of questions that can then lead to both a positive or negative answer. Of course, this depends on the scenario or the situation you're in. One example being getting a face tattoo. At first you'd think it's cool, and whatever the hell lead you to do it. But, after actually getting it done only then do you ask yourself, 'what the fuck did I just do?' Not everyone actually regrets their decision but the ones who do will then experience absolute shit. 

And because of impulsive decisions we avoid thinking about the consequences of our actions. Simply put, we just go with the flow and think 'it is what it is'. Again, not everyone, but a good amount of people do.

To put it simply, I regret becoming friends-with-benefits with my ex, a.k.a Rose.

If I could travel back in time, I would slap the absolute shit out of myself.

As I was scraping and shaping the clay, I couldn't help but ask myself:

Was it worth it?

The answer?

Yes and no.

So, why yes?

Yes, because it made me learn a lesson. That lesson being to never have sex with your ex and then call it 'friends-with-benefits'. Mainly because there may be lingering feelings and you're just too full of pride to admit it. This scenario may be more 'benefical' for some people as it can lead to a more positive outcome. Like them getting back together for good after realizing that they can't stand to see the other getting close with someone who is not them. Or, they totally break things off with each other and move on with their lives, going out and finding the right one.

And why do I say no?

Because I wasted my fucking time.

As simple as that.

After Rose and I broke up, I wasn't the one who brought up the whole sex-without-feelings. In fact, Rose suggested it and me being a complete idiot at the time just went along with it. I thought I had lingering feelings for Rose and couldn't understand why I never officially ended things with her. I wasn't some sex maniac and mostly focused on my photography and sculpting which lead to the two of us breaking it off, or rather, Rose ending things with me because she felt like I wasn't paying much attention to her. I believe Rose never wanted to actually end things off with me and actually had the intention of scaring me a bit. And because of this, she tried to predict the outcome; the outcome being that I would most likely apologize like I always did.

But of course that wasn't the case.

I'll admit, she caught me off guard. But because of that I realized that it was better for me. Maintaining a relationship with a spoiled brat was the dumbest decision I made so I just agreed with it and left. Fast forward a couple days later, she messaged me asking if I wanted to have sex. She assured that there would be no feelings involved and that she wasn't seeing anyone at the time. I wasn't really pent up but because I had nothing much to do and Casper was busy with exams, I said yes and went to her.

And then we fucked.

After we finished, I showered and was about to leave. And that was the exact moment where the question popped up: