Super Mario Bros. Movie Side-stories

Bowser sings about Paulina accidentally arriving in the Sonic universe

In the Super Mario Bros. Movie universe, Bowser watched as the mature adults over 21 years old known as Princess Peach, Tails the Fox, Cream the Rabbit, and Paulina (who again are all mature adults over 21 in this story) engaged in a steamy session of anal play with their Pokémon. He was not pleased with what he saw.

As Bowser ranted about their behavior, he began to hear a melody in his head. He grabbed a nearby guitar and began to strum out the tune, adding lyrics about Paulina's sexual escapades.

Verse 1:

Bowser's all alone, watching from afar

As Paulina has fun with her toys, playing with no candy bars

Her Pokémon watch with icy cold delight

While Bowser seethes in envy, with no one by his side

Chorus:

Oh Paulina, how you make him burn

All alone, he's got nothing to learn

While you take it in and scream with glee

Bowser's left with nothing but envy

Verse 2:

Tails and Cream join in, while Peach watches on

Bowser's temper flares as he feels like a pawn

Why can't he have that kind of fun too?

He wants to be with someone, to love and to screw

Chorus:

Oh Paulina, how you make him burn

All alone, he's got nothing to learn

While you take it in and scream with glee

Bowser's left with nothing but envy

Bridge:

He wants to feel the warmth of another's touch

To be held close and loved so much

But for now, he's just a lonely king

Watching others enjoy life's sweetest things

Chorus:

Oh Paulina, how you make him burn

All alone, he's got nothing to learn

While you take it in and scream with glee

Bowser's left with nothing but envy

As Bowser finished the song, he let out a frustrated sigh. "Why can't I have what they have?" he muttered to himself.