The Empty World | The Empty World Sequence [complete | rewriting]

Twenty

And then Julien broke up with him. Technically, it wasn't breaking-up with Morpheus, because they hadn't officially been anything to each other. It still hurt fiercely. It hurt more that Morpheus hadn't quite seen it coming.

Morpheus woke, blinked open his eyes, and saw Julien nearby, haloed by the setting sunlight coming through the window behind him. He looked beautiful. Julien's eyes were shadowed, but Morpheus made out a tight smile on his face. "How do you feel?" Julien asked.

"Thirsty?"

Julien handed him a bottle of water, still sealed. He wasn't dressed, though he was draping himself in a bedsheet, so it didn't look like he had left to go get it. Wherever it came from, Morpheus was thankful. He sat up a little, unscrewed the plastic cap, and drank. The night before started to come back to him.

"You remember?" Julien asked, "last night."

Morpheus hummed an affirmative around his bottle.

"Sometimes it doesn't all come back to me at first."

Morpheus knew how that felt. Ever since he'd eaten Jibril's cherries in that garden with Daniel Never, Morpheus had this lingering sensation that there was something he had known and then forgotten.

"It's not like coke, with the recall effect," Julien said.

"No...I remember..." Morpheus say up straight, as he realized it. "Amadeo is Thierry's father!" he said aloud.

Julien didn't seem to pay attention, he was already speaking. "Murph, about last night. I've been awake a while, thinking and...."

Morpheus moaned.

Julien continued, "This room, it's like Vegas. You know what I mean?"

There was that saying. When in Vegas.... No. That was Rome, which, in some ways, also seemed to be applicable here. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

"This," Julien wagged a finger between their two bodies, "doesn't go anywhere. We don't have a repeat. We don't tell everyone."

"You're...Julien. You're breaking-up with me?"

That was when Julien explained how it wasn't technically breaking-up, and Morpheus tuned him out, not wanting to hear.

"I care about you," Julien said, after a time. He continued when Morpheus didn't respond. "I know how you feel about me. I do. I've had some clue for a long while, but I always expected, before, it was just a kind of infatuation. I knew I was using you. Faye and Athen were right to call me on it."

"I don't care."

"Well, I do, and I know this hurts, but I think it'll hurt us both more if I don't say it. You deserve to love someone who can be available to you."

Morpheus drew knees knees up toward his chest. "Don't." He shook his head. "Don't say what I deserve, like someone who can judge my soul! I love you and it's not a choice! It's not- you're not some reward I deserve or not."

"Maybe I'm just- obtuse."

"That, maybe, I deserved," Morpheus muttered.

Julien reached for Morpheus' hand. He thought about withdrawing his hand and refusing Julien's touch, but he still wanted so much to hold onto him. Their fingers entwined. "In my heart, I want you to be happy, and I feel so much regret that I can't...." His voice trailed off. Julien was no more specific.

"What do you mean? You would rather have nothing from me, if you can't give me everything? Call it arrogance, but what are you going to do without me? Amadeo is coming here next week."