TAKE THE DIVE

Chapter Six

The holidays had ended - dreams of full moons still existed in my eyes however, work had become intense very quickly. I felt a little exhausted since so little time in my days were mine, time was all consumed by endless research for an upcoming exhibit. I was finally getting to do my job. I was having a lot of fun, however, I felt guilty since it seemed like I was avoiding JongHyun. There were even a few times where I had to cancel our plans. It felt like I needed to prove myself to my new boss, I hadn't had the opportunity to show my skills and now it felt like I was playing catch up. I felt so far away from the rest of my life - that's the only thing about the adult world, it's hard to be a human being some days. The winter had been welcoming my retreats from work with such a harsh chill that I feared to not go outside and hide away at home. Maybe I was looking for an excuse to avoid my feelings towards JongHyun or to avoid any development of them. I was afraid to let myself open up. Avoid the person - avoid any potential feelings.

The work - despite its downsides of late nights and repetitive editing...was interesting. Our curator proposed that we use portraits of women in comparison to the male nude body. A critique on how women are always depicted as nude and weak historically in art - women are rarely shown in positions of power whereas men are always the leaders. The research was empowering, a perfect project.

-

It was a Tuesday evening and I had found myself with no work to be done. Waiting for emails of approval and waiting for information... I was in the land of limbo - at peace. I switched my phone off earlier - no one could contact me - I wanted to rest. I was laying on the sofa with my eyes closed with the fireplace roaring. Bliss. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - my eyes flutter open.

w h y?

Slowly I get up from the sofa and shuffle my way to the door and look through the peephole.

JongHyun.

I unlock and open the door.

" So you are alive," JongHyun smiles cheekily.

I move to the side to make room for JongHyun to come in,

"I'm not sure, I could be dreaming right now..."

When was the last time someone randomly came to my apartment to check up on me? I can't remember...it's all in a haze now.

As JongHyun walks through the door he brushes my hand, almost as if it was an excuse to touch me.

"Mmm, if this was a dream what kind of scenario would this visit be?" They quizzed me.

I lock the door and follow JongHyun as they take in the atmosphere of my apartment.

"One where you're a magic fairy and finish my work for me."

They turn to look at me, " is that the reality you really want?" JongHyun walked closer to me, I felt my heart jump at my imagination - why did I just think of kissing him and then I heard a small thud on the ground. I noticed a tote bag with some food laying on the floor.

" Or...I will cook you dinner?" JongHyun asks. My body exhales naturally, a weight is lifted off my shoulders. JongHyun notices and holds them, his touch was so gentle. I reach and rest my hand on theirs and say, "that would be perfect."

We walk towards the kitchen.

"Somehow your apartment is exactly how I would've imagined for you. It's cute. " JongHyun states.

This catches me off guard as the realization hits on how much of a mess my apartment was.

Shit shit shit.