attention | gyuricky

sixteen.

"Yujin-ah, we're going to get dinner at the ramen place. You're coming, right?"

"Not today, hyung. I'm a little stressed about the exam next week, so I'm going to stay home and study."

"Don't forget to take a break, Yujin. You know you can call any of us if you need anything, right? You can call me anytime."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for being concerned. I think I'll be better once the exams are over."

"Okay. Join us next time, got it?"

"Got it. Thanks, hyung."

─

It's two days before Gyuvin sees Ricky again for any extended period of time. Their schedules don't coincide well, part of the reason they'd been able to avoid each other so neatly for the first couple of weeks, so he wasn't expecting to have any time to talk to Ricky until at least Friday night, after he ended his regular shift at the club at 1 in the morning.

Gyuvin looks up as he hears the muted jangling of keys outside the door and the short metallic noise the lock makes as it clicks a little before giving in. Ricky enters, dressed in his club uniform, hair slicked back with water or gel, Gyuvin can't really tell from a distance.

"Hey, you're back," Gyuvin greets, looking up from where he's sprawled across the couch with someone's rubix cube in his uninjured hand, maybe Junhyeon's? He can't remember. "I got you dinner, since I figured you'd be working today. It's in the fridge."

"You don't have to be nice to me just because I drove you back from the hospital," Ricky answers shortly.

"Can't I be nice to people without a reason?" Gyuvin retorts. "Plus, you didn't just drive me home. You kinda saved my life."

Ricky shrugs, putting his jacket up on the coatrack at the doorway before washing his hands. "Call it what you want."

He's about to disappear into the bedroom, presumably to get his things to go shower, and Gyuvin stands quickly up from where he's been flopped over on his stomach on the couch.

"Wait!" he calls, reaching over to fish around in the front pocket of the duffel bag he'd brought back from the hospital, the movement a little awkward because he's still getting used to doing things with his non-dominant hand. He finds it eventually, holding a little orange prescription bottle of pills out in his hand. "Here. I told the doctors I had trouble sleeping so they would prescribe me sleeping pills. I thought it might help, with your...you know."

Ricky glances over at the bottle in his hand, reading off the faded words printed on the paper label. "Yeah, those don't work. I've tried."

"They don't?"

"Yeah. Makes them worse, actually."

Gyuvin deflates a little, letting his hand fall back to his side. "Oh. Sorry, I didn't know."

"It's alright," Ricky says, turning away. "Thanks, anyway."

─

"Ricky-ah..."

"Yeah?"

"I think you should go and see your therapist."

"What? That's sudden."

"I just- It feels like you're close to spiralling again. You know how bad it was the last time."

"Why would you say that? I'm fine."

"Ricky..."

"No, I mean it. I'm fine, so just-"

"I know your nightmares came back again, okay? Just go and see your therapist at least once, please-"

"How'd you know?"

There's silence. Zhanghao looks at Ricky and there's a little guilt shining through the concern in his eyes.

"Did Gyuvin tell you that?"

"Ricky, I-"

"Leave me alone. And for the record, I'll go to the therapist if I fucking want to. It's none of your business, so just stop meddling."

─

Gyuvin's curled up with his legs tucked cross-legged on one of the dining chairs, doodling a caricature of a penguin drinking milk at the corner of one of his essays when he hears the sound of keys outside and Ricky bursts into the room, barely remembering to take off his shoes.

"You told Zhanghao about my nightmares? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry! I was worried about you, I just wanted to see how I could help-"

"I don't care what sort of saviour complex you think you have, but can't you quit trying to get involved in my business for just a second?"

Ricky's never raised his voice, not at him, or at anyone else. Even now, as pissed as he clearly is, he's still relatively soft, and Gyuvin doesn't flinch, though a wave of guilt fills him up like a glass bottle full of seawater. "Okay, I'm sorry. I only asked Hao about them because it sucks to see you suffer, and I care about you-"

"I never asked you to care about me."

"You shouldn't need to ask."

Gyuvin can tell Ricky's a little taken aback as he processes the words hanging in the air, but it doesn't hinder his anger. "Look, I know you think you're in the right, or whatever. But this is my life and it has nothing to do with you, so if you could stay the fuck away from-"

"Why are you so afraid of letting people in?"

"What?"

Gyuvin knows he's not helping, but at this point, he's too far gone. "You're not an asshole, you're just terrified of letting people get close to you. You keep the one friend you have at arm's length because he reminds you of Yujin, because for some reason or another you think it's your fault he died, isn't it?" Gyuvin moves forward and his hands bury themselves in the collar of Ricky's shirt without him even being conscious of it.

Ricky's expression is dark and his knuckles are white where his fists are clenched by his sides, as if he's struggling not to make any moves. "How do you know about Yujin?" he breathes, almost in disbelief.

Gyuvin ignores him. "Why do you make yourself suffer? Do you think he would have wanted that?"

"You don't know what the fuck you're saying," Ricky answers, pushing Gyuvin away from him hard enough Gyuvin almost stumbles. "You don't know anything, so don't act like you do!"

"Maybe I don't," Gyuvin says. "But I know you're hurting. I wish I could hate you like you hate me, and treat you like shit like you deserve, but I can't just forget that something must have made you this way, okay? I just wanted to help. I'm sorry I cared about you."

Ricky doesn't look back. "Just fucking leave me alone."

He disappears back out the door without saying anything more, and Gyuvin wonders exactly what he's done as the sound of a slamming door echoes through the empty room.