Answers are the only comfortable mysteries.
Recently single and literature-loving Emilie Taylor is tired of living the same old life. She works two jobs just to pay the rent and now that her cheating fiance has moved out, she is lost. So when she re...
Later, we walked down the beach with our hands swinging together between us. The silence was only broken by the crash of the waves against the shore.
"It's magical out here," I said.
"It sure is." Fionn stopped on the sand, cupping my face in his hands and leaning down to kiss me. His lips tasted like the powdered sugar from the funnel cake we'd shared earlier.
"I know we promised not to talk about this, but I need to know something." I pressed my forehead against his. "Do you think we can make long distance work?"
Fionn sighed. "Yes, I do. I do, because I believe that you and I were meant to be more than just a few days of making out and sharing secrets. I do, because for once—and I think I can speak for both of us—we're happy with no one to take that away. We have the chance to choose our own future right now. No ex-girlfriend to bribe a recruiter for a job because she didn't believe in her boyfriend, no ex-boyfriend to sleep with some girl he'd met at his business night class because he was too much of an arse to realize what he had right in front of him."
I instinctively twirled the claddagh ring from Fionn around my finger. The silver band glinted in the moonlight and I could almost imagine what it would look like with a diamond sparkling in the center.
"And if we do this," he continued "Germany isn't that far away from Scotland. A little over two hours by plane. If I get into the program."
"I'm sure you will. You're incredibly talented." I reached up to brush his hair away from his face. His eyes closed at the contact and he hummed happily.
We both deserved a chance to be happy. Walking along the beach with Fionn I realized that never once in my eight years of dating Kyle had he ever fought for me the way Fionn did. Fionn, a man I'd known less than a month. Kyle wouldn't have cared if I left to travel. But Fionn would've made sure I was doing what I loved.
I couldn't hold him back from that. Germany, the US. No matter where he ended up, it would be how it was meant to be.
And I had to accept that.
***
Fionn hadn't lied when he told me Cromarty went all out for the New Year's festivities. Every night there was something new to experience, from the music to the dancing to the finale of the film festival where entries from all over the world had been sent in and only the best accepted for presentation. These videos were projected over the side of the lighthouse for everyone to witness.
Lying against Fionn's chest, time seemed to stand still. He kept his arm around me, rubbing his thumb against my shoulder. I reached to the side and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the container next to us.
"Enjoying?" he whispered.
"Mhm." I sat up and leaned my head against his shoulder. "Thank you for taking me."
He pressed a kiss to the side of my head. "Thank you for coming with me."
Claps erupted through the crowd, signaling the end of the film that had been playing. This one was about a photojournalist's experience in South Africa.
"Emilie." His voice wavered and the mood darkened. "I don't know if Germany is going to happen."
"What? Why not?"
"I should've heard by now. I know it's the holidays, but it's been silent for too long."
"That's what I thought for my program, and then I found out on Christmas Eve." I took his hand in mine. "I'm sure the decision is coming."
Fionn shook his head. "I don't know that it is. The US is my only other option and it's a great program. We'd be able to see each other occasionally. I'll have to come back at some point to Scotland."
We laid back down on the blanket, my head on his chest and his fingers in my hair.
"So me in Scotland and you in the US," I said. "My, how the tables will have turned."
Fionn chuckled. "We'll each get a taste of the other's home, aye?"
I smiled. "Yeah."
In a matter of days, our perspectives had shifted. We were no longer focused on how our differing goals were going to keep us apart, but rather how pursuing our own dreams could keep us together.
Like the end of a romance novel, our story was just beginning with so many possibilities in sight. But I still wondered if maybe we were too good to be true.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer boomed into a microphone. "Thank you all for taking part in this wonderful experience. We are pleased to have shared it with you. Now, we would like to begin the countdown to the new year with all of you."
Ten, nine, eight.
Fionn and I locked eyes. In seven seconds, we would have officially crossed over into new territory: our first week of dating, complete.
Six, five, four.
So many possibilities for what the future could hold.
Three, two.
Only one that I truly wanted.
Fireworks and screams of excitement erupted around us, but neither Fionn nor I paid any attention. He wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me closer until there was no room left between our bodies. His head dipped down to capture my lips against his own, taking the time to let his tongue explore my mouth. As if it were our first time once again.
A time renewed.
Sweet and gentle, he kissed me and I felt a wave of relief wash over me. A new year, a new chance to be happy in love. What had changed, I wasn't sure. But I was certain I wanted to be with him. Gone were the eight long years of my false sense of love, replaced anew with hope and promise. Promise, I told myself, that meant I no longer had to doubt what love was. Promise that meant I could be who I wanted and still be loved for it.
The cheers died down around us, the sky thundering and sparking with a rainbow of colors, and still I kissed him.
Hooking one arm around my leg, Fionn kept the other pressed firmly against my back. In a single swoop, he lifted my body up before tucking his other arm under my thigh to keep me balanced. One of my hands found its way through his hair, the other clutching at his shoulder for support.
We were the only two people in the world in that moment. I didn't care that we were surrounded by others.
Nothing mattered except me and Fionn.
Nothing else mattered and that's when I knew, like a firework bursting into flames, that I had fallen hard for him.
That euphoria lasted all the way back to our room at the air bnb, through the time it took us to get under the covers with our vulnerabilities exposed and hearts open to one another.
As I kissed him, tears dripped down my face, the saltiness mixed with the sweetness of his mouth on mine. His skin warmed to the touch as my hands traveled down his bare torso, hovering just above his belt buckle. In a few days, we would be going our separate ways albeit for a short while. We hadn't quite talked about what would happen when I came back to Scotland and if it would be before he went to the US.
He pulled back, his features glowing even in the darkness of the room. "What's wrong?"
I reached up to cup his face in my hands. "Nothing. Everything is absolutely perfect."
***
We returned to Wigtown with Catriona the following day so we could have a bit of time together before I returned to the states. Cat had promised that she would stay until I had to go back.
"I can't believe you're going back so soon," she said, laying down on her back on my bed.
I laid down next to her, my hands clasped over my stomach. "I know, it feels like I just got here." My lips curled up into a smile. "You know, if I stayed a few extra days I would have been here for a full month."
Catriona sat up, leaning on her elbows. "So why don't you?"
"Why don't I what?" I asked. Except I knew exactly what she meant.
"Why don't you stay a few extra days?"
"I can't." I'd thought about it, truly. The airline website was bookmarked on my laptop for that reason. At least once a day when we were in Cromarty, I had gone back in and looked at flights on the thirteenth. That would let me and Fionn have a few more days here today. Days that were numbered, no matter how long I stayed.
But I couldn't do it.
"It's best that I go back when I planned," I continued. "I'll be coming back to Scotland soon anyway once I get my student visa worked out and we'll have more time together then before he leaves for the states and my program starts."
"That's a rough turn of events," she commented. "You coming here and him going there. He hasn't thought about staying closer?"
"He didn't get into the Germany program," I explained. "That's the closest alternative."
"Oh."
"Yeah." I paused, then added "It's going to hurt so much to leave him. You know I almost didn't tell him about my return flight?"
"Really?" Catriona sat fully up on the bed.
"Yeah. I was going to have Lachlan take me." I covered my face with my hands and groaned. "God, I'm so pathetic I was going to leave without saying goodbye. Why did I do this? I keep telling myself that at least he didn't cheat on me but leaving each other like this somehow hurts worse."
"I didn't intend for you to fall for him." Her voice cut through the air like a knife, shattering into a thousand pieces.
I bolted upright and whipped to face her, my eyes wide. "You...what?"
Catriona shifted uncomfortably. "When I..." she paused and took a deep breath, "when I sent you that ticket. I never intended...I mean I didn't even know that you and Kyle were over until you emailed and by that point the envelope was already in Baltimore."
Blood pounded in my ears. The sounds of the night outside completely washed away as I focused on what Catriona was telling me. "You're telling me..." I took a deep breath, "that you sent me the ticket?"
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