The Fear You Know

9. In the Gray

"I think it is a very bad idea."

"If I didn't know better Wink, I would say that you were on a campaign to keep me miserable," Eli responded, voice echoing strangely in the enclosed space as he forced himself deeper into the cupboard.

Something heavy and wet rested on his back, like a sack of seaweed.

"You know that's not what I am saying. I have looked out for you longer than anyone you know. All I am saying is you need to think about the potential inevitability of it happening again."

Eli emerged from the cupboard for a moment to set down a couple of open jars, hands slowly curling into fists at his sides, "I don't want to talk about that Wink." He gook a deep breath, "Peter isn't like the others. He has nowhere to go and nothing else to do, he has no family and no friends." He reached his hand back to set another dusty jar on the stone floor behind him," I find it highly unlikely that it would happen again.''

"You could have said the same thing about your parents."

At those words, Eli froze, slowly withdrawing himself from the darkened cupboard and turning to look at Wink. The expression on his face was hard and cold.

Wink oozed backward slightly, "Now hold on, don't give me that look. You and I were both thinking it. I am not trying to stop you from doing what you want, but I feel it is my duty to let you know what I think. This happens to you every time. And next time it happens, the Exclusion isn't going to drop its hold so easily."

"That isn't going to happen," Eli muttered, grabbing the jars off the floor and walking them back over to the table.

The door to the tower was open, and outside, he could just see Peter's silhouette as he walked along the rocky pebbles of the beach, occasionally bending down to pick up a stone before tossing it into the waves.

He wouldn't dare follow Peter's outside. He worried, worried continually that it would happen again, that he would wander out into the Desolate and be gone forever. Despite the walls of the tower, he could still feel the urge, a sort of aching in his bones: a hunger to be alone. He was safer inside because even if he didn't want to admit it, Wink was right. Exclusion was too comforting and one day he might just do it again.

Eli shivered and turned back to the door, watching Peter.

They had spent the last few weeks in a state of fevered planning and study. Eli was already preparing for his next trip, and he felt that Peter deserved a little break. Despite his concerns, Eli urged Peter to spend time outdoors as the outside would be nice in the middle of the day despite being so silent.

This was the outer edge of the Desolate, right before where the Sheer began, and so it wasn't so heavily oppressive as the Desolate might have been. When he was younger, his parents had allowed him to play outside during the day, as long as he kept in sight of the tower.

He gave Peter those same instructions now, though staying close, to keep an eye on the young man as he made his way up and down the rocky beach.

A part of him would have liked to tell Peter that it wasn't safe, that he should stay inside the tower, but he did his best to force down those thoughts. Peter was an adult and deserved his freedom, but still a part of him worried: worried that when he looked up, he would find the silhouette vanishing into the distance, and he would be alone once more.

"Eli listen-"

"I am done talking about this, Wink. Unless you have something productive to say then you can be quiet."

Peter sat now, resting his weight against one of the bone white logs of driftwood producing a book from his new satchel, not unlike Eli's and began to read.