𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃, max verstappen

03 ; i need another shot

I was glad that there was a party that evening and I could get drunk. After five shots I wasn't quite clear in my head anymore and danced with Lando Norris, who I didn't know how he got here but he was a good dancer.

My vision was blurred and I felt dazed, I could feel the world spinning in front of my eyes the more I went round and round.

The British man had his hands on my hips and was holding them against his, inhaling my scent greedily.

I was sure he'd already had a few more shots than me and noticed that he could barely stand on his own.

But I had to admit, regardless of my feelings for Max, Lando was incredibly attractive and it was even harder for me to keep my hands to myself when I was drunk.

Everything about what I was doing was wrong and yet it felt so damn good that I didn't want this moment to ever end again.

Because for just a little while, my world seemed whole again.

Lando's hands explored my body and it seemed as if they were the same hands that held me together when I threatened to fall apart.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Max and Kelly and I felt the need to take another shot in my head —

Preferably as many as I could until I no longer realized how messed up my life was and how broken I felt.

I turned my head to Lando, who looked so deeply into my eyes as if he wanted to stare into my soul. There were so many indefinable feelings in his eyes that gave me goose bumps.

"I need another shot." I murmured, my tongue feeling heavy, and I put on a grin, which Lando returned. With a nod, he released my hips and pulled me by the hand to the bar. Giggling, we dropped onto one of the stools and ordered the strongest shot they had to offer.

The bartender placed two shot glasses in front of us and although we were barely in our right minds, Lando and I drank to brotherhood.

We hooked our arms and brought the glasses to our lips before throwing our heads back and gulping down the bitter liquid.

Lando and I screwed up our faces, slammed the glasses down on the bar a little too hard due to our lack of self-control and started laughing at the same time as we looked at each other.

His smile was so beautiful, so pure. I wondered why I hadn't noticed it before.

From the background, the picture with Max and Kelly moved to the foreground and suddenly nausea gripped me, making me drag myself to the restroom before I collapsed at Lando's feet.

I staggered to the bathroom, barely able to walk straight, let alone think straight. Everything was spinning and somehow I found that particularly funny.

At the toilet door, I threw myself in and leaned over the toilet bowl. The disgusting smell of the toilet finished me off and I threw up until I couldn't breathe.

I felt my hair being held back and could feel a warm hand on my back, which at least gave me some comfort.

When I was sure that nothing more could come, I let myself fall back against the wall behind me. The man who had held my hair back rinsed off and knelt in front of me.

I could only make out Max's face through the outline.

"Max?" Uncertainly, I raised my eyebrows towards my scalp. My head was spinning and suddenly I wasn't sure if it was Max.

"Yes," He said. "I'm here." He put a hand on my shoulder. Exhausted, I rested my head on it, wanting nothing more than to just be held by him.

"What are you doing here? Kelly's out there —" He interrupted me, pressing his lips tightly together.

"It's not important right now." I put a hand on his cheek and pulled his lips out with my thumb. My arm felt heavy and I wasn't sure if I was actually touching Max's face or if I was imagining it.

Max's hand on my shoulder started shaking and I didn't understand anything. Didn't understand how Max could love two women at once, didn't understand how I had managed for so long without Max's touch.

He put his hand on my neck and stroked my jaw with his thumb, as gently as if he thought I would break.

And that's how I felt.

It was ironic, because the hands that were keeping me from falling apart at that moment were the same ones that had put me in this position —

The ones that had shattered my heart into little pieces when I had needed him more than anything.

"None of it matters. You're the only thing that matters." He exhaled heavily, running his thumb over my jawbone so gently that goosebumps spread across my body.

I felt like I was drowning in my feelings and there was nothing I could do, no life preserver to save me from drowning.

"You're the only thing that will ever matter." Max let his forehead fall against mine, closed his eyes to enjoy the moment — the closeness.

And I could no longer hold back the tears that I had tried so desperately to hold back.

"You're being unfair," I sobbed, feeling like I couldn't breathe. "So bloody unfair because you've carried on but won't let me." He was breathing harder than me, seemed to be struggling with himself.

I could feel his fingers twitching and knew how much he wanted to hug me right now.

"That's not true," He shook his head desperately, but didn't open his eyes. "When you're not there I can't breathe and when you cry I feel like I'm drowning." His breathing was shaky.

"And I can't do anything because I know these tears are because of me."

Light blue eyes looked at me. Tears glistened in them.

"And I hate myself for breaking your heart. I hate myself every damn second since you left me. And I hate that I made you suffer, but Tilly," He moved closer, so damn close. Our lips touched briefly and I felt hot and cold at the same time.

They were so soft, so perfect. As if we were made for each other.

"Tell me the words and you're mine again."

I wanted to say them. Wanted to say them so desperately, but I wasn't sure if I could ever trust him again after he had so carelessly ripped my heart out of my chest.

Max had a tear running down his cheek that I wanted to kiss away. I wanted to kiss every ache in the world from his soul, never let him go again and know that he was by my side every second. But I realized that this was no longer possible.

I kissed the tear from his cheek, so gently, so damn gently, even though he didn't deserve it, before getting up far too quickly and rushing out the door. My eyes went black for a moment, but that disappeared as soon as I'd taken a few steps.

If I didn't get some fresh air, I would suffocate.