Safe in my arms

Chapter 1

'I cant.... I cant do this'
That was the first thing Hyunjin thought when he woke up, he new it would be hard to survive another Day with all the demons inside his head, but he needed to!
Not for himself but for his members, his family and most importantly for STAYS, he cant let them down

So he had to, he had to survive the day even if he himself was tired of fighting, even if he just wanted to close his eyes and rest forever he cant, not jet at least

Chan pov:
"Wake up Hyunjin, we need to leave in twenty minutes and you haven't eaten jet" I pulled the blanket off Hyunjin's body wich earned a loud groan from him before he actually got up

"I'll make you something to eat while you get ready okay hyun?" He looked at me with his sleepy eyes before he rasped "no need hyung i will eat something later in the cafeteria" i sight before nodding "but you still need to get ready, we have dance practice and after we have an interview" "i know hyung, I'll be with you guys in ten minutes, i promise" i hesitated before actually leaving his room for hyunjin to get ready while i waited in the kitchen

Hyunjin pov:
As soon as i walked into the bathroom i looked into the mirror and what i saw just disgusted me, my face pale as a ghost and the eyebags under my eyes became more and more noticeable

My depression got worse with all the hate that i received lately and the voices inside my head just got louder and..... im slowly starting to believe them, i mean im not nearly as good as minho-hyung at dancing or as good as Changbin-hyung at rapping but im trying, i swear i am but it seems like it isn't enough, i need to work even harder if i want to keep up with the others but im so fucking tired, i dont want to keep fighting i just want to..... die

I want to be dead and that scares me, as a child i used to love my life and now that im older im starting to hate it....

What the fuck.... Why am i thinking that way, i have everything i could ever need, i have enough food, i have a roof over my head, i have amazing members who always help me if i need it, so why do i feel this way?!
Am i really that spoiled that i cant be happy even tho i have more than many other people? I should be fucking happy and grateful for my life but instead im cursing it every morning, every day, every second and i dont know what i should do

I can definitely not go to my members, i know they wouldn't even waste a second to help me, but they already have enough problems i dont need to burden them with mine, so i just try to hang on.....

Maybe someone will come and save me one day..... i just hope that when that day comes, that it won't be too late.....