Your Indecision Is Killing Me

Chapter 3

Percy knew he did it wrong. He knew there was a better way it could go, but his head was just too clouded with revelations he had been holding in for so long it just burst out at the wrong time. He didn't plan on telling her like that, but once he felt the weight lift off his shoulders when he started, he couldn't stop. And when he rushed to that one art museum Rachel always ranted about and found her there, he felt most of the sorrow wash away. "Hey," he breathed, standing in front of where she sat, a sketchbook filled with drawings of people unlike buildings.

"Hey," she smiled at him. Gods, her smile. "What are you doing here?" She had her hair down, but instead of blonde, it was red.

He grinned, sitting next to her. "I..." he grabbed her hand, "I love you." That was all he had to say. Rachel's eyes widened for a few seconds before she leaned towards him and placed her lips on his. She was perfect. His hands in her hair, every freckle on her face so unique, and her mouth–her pink mouth– tasted like mint, instead of strawberries. The strawberries he had tasted an hour ago.

*

When Percy got to Camp Half-Blood, he didn't know what to expect. He hadn't, however, expected the rush of adrenaline coursing through him at the sight of what he would've proudly called home years ago.

Now, as he let his gaze wander from the orange-shirt campers and outdoorsy scented cabins, he felt a pang of guilt mixed with a little bit of longing. Had he really abandoned this place so long ago, was it really worth it? He shoved those thoughts away as quickly as they came, because why wasn't it worth it? He had not had a single doubt so far, so why should he start now?

He was grateful for when Rachel snapped him out of his thoughts, there were too many questions in his previous statements and not enough answers. She stared at him for a second longer and he scrambled for a reply, not quite hearing what she had said. "Uh sorry...yeah-I mean–" he took a deep breath, "I'm sorry what did you say?"

She gazed at him with a worried look, and simply shrugged. "Nothing, just checking in on you."

Ah, he finally understood. She must've felt a little guilty for forcing him to come to camp and then seeing him so... miffed was a word for it.

"I'm okay," he said softly. Far too softly for the setting they were in. This place had never been soft, and no amount of friendliness and happy looks could make it so. In fact, soft was the last thing he thought about when he decided he needed to get away from all things demigod.

"I think I'm gonna," he cleared his throat, "I think I'm gonna go check out my cabin if that's okay." He wasn't really asking, and he could tell Rachel knew that.

She nodded, pecking his cheek. "Of course it's okay." She looked around for a moment. "I'll be... talking to someone, probably," she chuckled.

He gave her a soft laugh with no real humor and started for the place that probably haunted him the most.

The Poseidon cabin was, well, the same as Percy remembered. He felt his chest contract a bit as his eyes made contact with the lake, where so many memories had occurred before. He suddenly thought of the striking gray-eyed blonde who had made those memories possible and his chest got tight again.

A part of him wished to talk to her, to see her again. A part of him he had tried very hard to rid of was longing for the soft smiles that filled his stomach with butterflies. The smile that belonged to the girl he had abandoned.

But he couldn't talk to her. Not when he had done all of this to not have to see anything that reminded him of her again. Yeah well suck it up, he told himself because this was her home, and everywhere he looked would bring the shameful swell of his heart when he thought about her. About them.

Percy released a breath he didn't know he was holding until he almost passed out. Annabeth would've punched me in the arm and called me an idiot, he thought. Shut up, he responded.

He finally had the courage to turn the door knob and step inside the sea-scented building.

It looked the same, with its walls that looked like they hadn't been dusted in a while and the soft glow of the yellow light that clicked on when he stepped in.

His breathing was ragged and he staggered back. No, this place was too painful and he didn't feel like knowing that right now. So like always, he quickly walked back to where he hoped he would find someone who wouldn't shoot glares at him like the coward he was.