Maximus of Mine

Page 8 The Change

Sequin is gay now. I'm not kidding.
"You hurt her pretty bad," Glen laughed as we sat in a stadium, watching the annual Japanese car conference here, in Eindhoven. We both love cars, I can't help it. I did feel quite shitty. I can't believe even she cheated on me. I dated down and still got fucked! 

Suddenly, I saw the Toyota GR Supra. It was lovely. Wait a minute,

"How did I hurt her?! She hurt me! She cheated on me!" I yelled at Glen.
"She ain't the first bitch who cheated on you,"
"You are right. Women suck,"
"Almost like you always pick up the terrible ones,"

"Hey, don't hate me because I like the Baddies,"
"Baddies don't cheat on you, cuh! You know what, maybe you should date someone who is not your type,"
I sighed. How does he expect me to love someone that I'm not attracted to?

"You wanna go down to the track? See the cars up close?" Glen asked.
"Hell yeah," We walked down the stairs. Into the track. There was a light drizzle that day, the sky was grey and the weather was murky. I was sick and tired of dating girls, having sex and then being thrown away like trash. 

Over time, it gets you. From the first girl I have kissed, to the last girl I woke up with, that afternoon, with Glen muttering beside me, I thought of everything I had done wrong when it came to women. Dad says its young love, that it doesn't matter.

And I don't care about Sequin, I never loved her. As reassuring as that is, it is also scary. Because I can't remember loving any woman that I've been with so far. All these things people crave, the first kiss, the first date, the first hug, the intimacy, I have done it all...But I've never felt anything. Am I doing something wrong? Or is something wrong with me?

"It's your ADHD," Glen pressed his index finger on my forehead, "That doesn't let you pay attention to little things,"
"...What are you saying, you cunt," I looked at his dull, grey eyes, matching the sky. Eyes...
"Well, I just described the engine to you. I bet you didn't listen to me, lost in your own world, again," He poked my forehead until I grabbed his hand and threw it back at him, "Maybe don't be this boring if that irks you, jeez,"

I walked towards another car, "Hey, it doesn't irk me. Matter of fact, I understand," He race ahead and stood before me, "I understand you,"
I looked at Glen's face, and I felt like laughing at him for thinking that he could understand. But even I couldn't understand me. Glen soon got distracted by another car and ran towards it, while I stood and stared at him, and other people around me, and the cars.

I felt like an outsider.

-To be continued