Warm Hands

three

slight self harm mentions!!

i wake up in a cold panic. my eyes shoot open as i grab tighter onto atticus without realizing. normally he was already up by the time i was awake. "atticus?" i murmur, not wanting to wake him up if asleep. "hmm?" he hums in response. "what.. what time is it?" "not time for work," he numbly replies, most likely still tired. i wasn't sure how long he'd been awake, or if he even was awake. "atticus?" i ask again. this time, i don't get a response. "i love you," i whisper, loosing my panic i woke up with.

i close my deep brown eyes and try to sleep. i breathe in and out once. as much as i want to go to back to sleep, i can't help but feel the need to stay awake. i let go of the pretty boy infront of me and crawl out of bed. i rub my eyes as i walk into our kitchen.

i open the fridge and grab a carton of milk. i close the fridge and grab a white bowl from our cabinets. i lean over our sink and grab a box of honey nut cheerios. i pour everything into my bowl. after i do, i open the fridge and put the milk away. i close the fridge as softly as i can to avoid waking atticus. i grab a spoon and sit at the island infront of my bowl. hesitantly, i take bites of my cereal. the idea of eating seemed way better than the real thing. after eating as much as i could force down my throat, i throw away the remaining food down the sink and leave the bowl there. before going back to my room, i put the box back above our sink.

as i walk back into our room, i realize atticus is awake. "theo!" he smiles, he sits up in our bed and smiles at me. "i woke up, and you were gone! i was a little scared you had left me!" he laughs, getting out of bed. is this how early he got up every morning? how early was it? i look over at our clock on the nightstand closest to me. it was 6:25 am. work started at 8 am, i normally got up at around 7:25. "i just.. i couldn't sleep," i mutter, rubbing the side of my hair up and down with my small, thin hand. "well, goodmorning, lovey dovey!" he keeps his smile, yawning as he walks into our bathroom. i can't help but giggle. i must've been the luckiest guy in the world to score a boyfriend like him.

i walk into our closet and grab a brown hoodie with a star on it. i throw on the matching sweatpants. one thing i loved about winter was the excuse to wear longer sleeve. another excuse to cover my skin, my arms.

i walk out of our closet, the water turns off as soon as i sit on our bed. shortly after, atticus walks out with only a towel covering the lower part of his body. i smile, standing up to go to the bathroom. i stop him and stand on my tip-toes to kiss his forehead. i smile and walk into our bathroom. i grab my acne cream and clean my face with it. my face was perfectly clear now, but it wasn't always like this.

i bring my hands down to my sides and stare at myself in the mirror. i wanted to go back to bed so badly, but i knew i couldn't. i yawn and stretch my hands above my head. i open the bathroom door and jump back on our bed. i grab my phone off the charger and open my messages. i had three new messages from joshua.

JOSHHHH<333333
hi!!!
for friday, i thought we could go this new aquarium
that alright?
read 7:16 am

sounds good 👍
delivered 7:16 am

i'm guessing he changed his contact name when he took my phone to text his older brother. immediately, i change it back to 'josh'.

josh
see you at work!!
read 7:17 am

see you
read 7:18 am

atticus leaves the bathroom, sitting on the bed beside me. i turn my phone off and put it in my pocket. "so, if you wanted, i could cook us a quick breakfast? nothing especially fancy, but it'd be nice!" atticus smiles, his face is complemented by his natural blush. "sure!" i warily smile back, following him into the kitchen. i didn't want to eat again, but i knew i couldn't tell him no.