Warm Hands

four

"he loves me! right, theo?" he says, gripping tighter to my small waist. i keep my eyes glued to the soft pavement i'm standing on. the guy behind me, trevor, i think, kicks my heel. i nod. i feel trevor's smile on my back. i tilt my head upwards only to have my heart broken even more. the beautiful boy in front of me, the dark boy with long black hair and green eyes i could stare in for hours, stares into my eyes longingly. his heart shatters, i can tell by his sorrowful eyes.

i feel a tear fall from my eye as trevor grabs me tighter, now touching my bones. "trev, he's an innocent guy! please!" i watch the guy plead. it breaks my heart even more. the first person to ever care about me since my sister died, and i'd have to watch him leave with trevor by my side.

even his name disgusts me. the simple idea of him and his dumb well-kept brown hair. "atticus, stop," i mange to mumble. trevor doesn't like this. i don't need him to do or say anything to know how much he hates those words coming out of my mouth. atticus looks on the verge of tears. i feel myself about to sob, but i can't let myself. i can't risk my relationship with trevor over a dumb feeling that has no real meaning to me.

"trevor," atticus says. my eyes look into his, his look into trevor's. his eyes are full of pure rage and hate. my heart feels like it's been broken out of its cage.

"wake up, buggy!" atticus says, smiling as he stands over me. i'd never seen him even close to being as angry as he was that horrid day. "good..morning," i yawn, rolling out of bed and into his arms. they hold me tight and keep me warm. "i don't wanna change!" i whine, and as i do a cold shiver runs down my back. "well, maybe next time you don't wear the thinnest clothes we own during winter!" atticus smiles, kissing my forehead. i groan and walk into our closet.

i grab a set of warm, white clothes and change as fast as i can. i almost run into the kitchen to grab atticus. "huh?" he spits out as i grab him. i squeeze him as tight as i can. "you won't give me up, right?" i ask, looking up to meet his glance. he shakes his head. "of course not," he softly answers. he kisses my forehead and continues to hold me as tight as he could. he knew why i was asking, this wasn't the first time i had dreamt of my past with trevor.

"actually, uhm, theo? can we talk?" he nervously asks, stepping away from the hug. he looks away from me, he can't make eye contact. his words pierce me like a sharp sword? what? did i do something? he never calls me my real name? IS he giving me up? is he giving up on me for lydia, that slut from his work i've caught looking up and down at him?

i force myself to nod. maybe the truth won't feel so bad once it hits me. "your eating habits," he says. and as he does, i feel knocked off the platform i built for myself. my eyes widen at his comment. oh. "you've been eating less lately," he says, frowning. "if it's about yesterday, i-" i try to protest. "no, theo. it's about the past month. i'm saying this because i care, lovebug. you never have any energy to do anything. we haven't really got to do anything in a while," now he's staring dead at me. his eyes look so sad, they almost make me feel guilty. "i'm sorry," i say, now i'm the one avoiding eye contact.

he walks back by my side and grabs my hand tightly. he wasn't going to give up on me, he would help me through everything i needed. as we walked to the car and got in, i lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.

~~
"we're here, sweetheart," atticus softly says. i open my eyes eyes and look out of my window, reassuring myself he's talking about the dreaded door C. i open the car door, "bye!" i smile. i shut the car door as i step out. i stand outside until i can't see atticus' car anymore. i walk inside the miserable warehouse and walk to my locker. i grab my stupid uniform and walk to my kiosk.

where was joshua? i look up from my kiosk and look up at sid. he had short blonde hair and blue eyes. he was incredibly stupid, but he wasn't bad at his job. "sid, where's joshua?" i asked, i felt stupid asking. he looked at me and shrugged, "i dunno.' probably already startin' the day!" he smiles and laughs, skipping off to grab his first part of the day. i frown, i could use some reassurance from joshua the happy feeling that he always radiates.