Im so sick of this class. The clock is moving slower than old people in a car. Every few seconds I look at it hoping to be closer to 12:30, when the class ends, and it just isn't happening.
I've been popping Benadryl because they give me a little buzz and make me feel numb. I like that.
People have been looking at me weirdly ever since I got back to school and if I was completely sober I'd probably be considering harming myself.
The teacher's, Ms.Victoria's voice is being drowned out by my own thoughts and daydreams. She's talking about something about tectonic plates and earthquakes. Stuff I already know anyway.
"Hey Jay," Ms. Victoria calls. "What's the name of the form of tectonic plate boundary is the San Andreas Fault?
"Umm its a transform boundary," I say confidently.
"You are correct," she says with a fake smile. At least I think it's fake. I don't really know if anyone likes me anymore considering how homophobic this school and this town is.
My since of pride from getting the question right is broken by the most rusty voice...
"Hey faggot rapist," Brandon, a facially challenged athlete says.
"Hey DL bitch," I say back. " And I didn't rape anyone. He wanted me the same way you do. Stay out my dms i dont fuck with ugly niggas"
Brandon gets up out of his seat and takes a deep breath. "This lying ass punk," he says.
He sort of rushes over me and throws a blow. I catch if and throw one back. He throws one at the same time i do so we're both in a daze. My vision blurs.
I get out of my seat and throw several hits. One right hook missed but the following uppercut landed.
This ugly ass nigga really tried to play me like im a fool or sum.
I remembered I carry a small pocket knife with me so i pulled it out of my pocket and stabbed him.
He shouldn't have said that shit to me. And he definitely shouldn't have ran up on me. Im not the type to start shit but if you try me God bless your soul you gonna wish you hadn't.
I realize blood is everywhere. All over me. All over the floor. Everywhere.
I also take a second to take in our surroundings. Desks are pushed over. Our classmates are standing around us with their phones out. His friends come to his rescue and call 911. The school's resource officer snatches me out of the room. I feel the anger in his grip. His nails dig into my skin a little and i wince in pain.
"That hurts,shit," I say.
"This gonna be the least of your worries where you're going," he says.
"Damn I said that shit- wait what do you mean," I question.
"You stabbed someone Jay...you're going to jail."
"Oh shit." I say.
I dont think I can allow myself to feel what I should be feeling. But I know the police have already been called.
"I CANT GO THERE THEY CANT TAKE MY BOOTYYYYY," I cry.
"Somebody probably already did that to you the way you act boy," he says.
"What the fuck you tryna say?" I question.
The urge to slap him with my free hand is hard to resist but I manage. Im already going to jail for assault if not attempted murder I dont need assaulting a cop added to the list.
We make it to the nurses office which is right next to the main office where he gets me some ice to put on my right eye which is slightly swollen. I really cant see shit.
I hear sirens in the distance as we enter the office. The adrenaline from the fight has worn off, and I realize that my head is pounding.
I want to run but I know I wont be able to get away.
I feel utterly alone.
I walk into the boys restroom awaiting the face of the boy who will take everything from me. I fall into his embrace. My heart is pounding as I realize we are being watched. I look over and see people recording. Brayden and Kyrie. I feel exposed and sick. I feel alone. Like the whole world has vanished and in stuck in a void.
The memory leaves my brain and as I regain awareness of my body I realize the police is here putting me in handcuffs. I can't even breathe. The room is spinning. Sweat drips down my face. Im shaking and I cant stop.
Why am I so alone?
