"Why do you walk like that?" I hear from behind me.
I turn around to see who said it. It was one boy out of a group of about 5.
"Walk like what?" I'm so confused and I just want to walk home to check on my mom.
"Like a sissy, bitch ass nigga," he says pretty loudly.
"I don't walk like a mf bitch but you definitely sound like one," I say.
I was so tired of being ran over by these kids. Bulling me for my mom or for how I act.
Before I knew it I was on the ground covered in blood. I was in pain but the lightheadedness was a distraction from it.
Shit shit shit shit I gotta move. I just got my ass beat and laughed at by most of the people in the park at this point.
My body is in so much pain. I cant explain how hurt I feel. I can't be myself without being made fun of and it hurts.
But something else hurts, my whole body. And dammit every step I takes feels like I'm breaking something. After about 5 minutes I make it back home. I open the door with my set of keys my mom gave me. I'm 12 at this point so she thought it was time for me to learn responsibility.
I open the door and I smell the scent of cigarettes and day old pizza.
I try to avoid my mom but she was sitting in the living room couch which is the first room after you enter the house.
"Melvy... oh my," she says running towards me.
"Mom I'm okay but you need to go to sleep you have a job interview tomorrow remember," I say reminding her that she even had it.
"Fuck that interview who I gotta shoot Melvin?" she says crying.
It hurts my heart to see her cry over me.
"Well mom im gonna take a shower and get myself cleaned up," I say.
"Okay baby take your time," she says reassuring me.
I get my towels and pajamas since it's almost nighttime anyway.
I hear my mom on the phone with her friend, Stacy. Her only friend. I'm just glad that she has someone to talk to. Everyone needs someone to talk to.
I start running the shower. Its cold not because I like it but because it will help ease the pain. Because if it was hot it would just feel like bur-
"I just wish I could be a better mom for him man. All I do is bring him more pain and stress. I wish I was dead!!"
Oh shit I have to get out and help her.
BLOOP.
Sounds like something dropped.
"I hope she didn't break anything valuable," I think, wrapping myself in a towel since I was just in the shower.
Blood.... why do I see blood?
Oh shit oh shit. I run to her and check for a pulse. Cold.
My mom said those same words ... they were her last words. And ever since then I've been so hard and strong. I never was myself. Always had on a mask. Because when I'm myself not only do I get hurt but others do.
But Jay... I hurt him and it was because of my mask. I feel like I should just be honest with him but I really said it out of instinct.
I was too weak and thats why my mom died...
I was too weak and thats why Jay wants to die too...
I don't want him to feel that way. I have to make it up to him. I want to be a good guy. And I want to protect him. I cant let what happened in my past repeat. I couldn't save my mom but I will save him.
