FUCK
FUCK
FUCK.
What am i supposed to do. My handcuffs make a slight jingle with every step I take. The narrow halls suffocate me as I get closer and closer to the fate that awaits me in this room.
My mom probably hates me. She always looks so angry when gay people come on and I always say homophobic shit so she wont expect me to be gay.
The guard stops and opens the door to the left. I close my eyes and sigh.
I dont fuck with that sissy shit yall always tryna force yall self on straight niggas
Melvin's words stung him. Because he sounded just like the boy he got caught kissing, Kam.
I walk in the room and I see my mom and a pretty blonde white lady.
"Oh Lord Jesus I know we ain't on the best of terms bu-," my prayer is interrupted by my mom hugging me tightly.
"Jay, baby, I'm so sorry," she says.
I can hear the heartbreak in her voice. Like when you're sad about something but tryna say strong.
"I saw the video," she continues, "and I'm so sorry."
I give her a dazed look and my heart drops.
"Mom don't be sorry I shouldn't have been doing that."
"No you shouldn't have but you're young and you don't deserve that. Nobody does."
"But I thought you didn't like gay people."
She always made some weird disappointed face when gay people came on T.V. so I thought she didn't like us.
"Why would I not like gay people? I've always known you were gay. It wouldn't make sense for me to hate my own son."
"But you always looked disappointed when gay people came on T.V," I finally say prying for an explanation.
My mom looks at me and a few tears run down her cheek. My eyes get watery too. When she cries I cry.
She grabs my hands and looks into my eyes with a look of almost regret.
"Baby I didn't make that face at the gay people I was making the face because I knew my son was putting on a front when he could have been being himself like the people on T.V.," she says almost choking trying to hold back tears every word taking the scales off my eyes.
"So you accept me ma?" I ask.
"Of course I accept you baby," she says as she leans in to hug me again.
I finally feel healed and the weight and anxiety I felt from Melvin's words has lifted off my shoulders. I don't need his acceptance when my mom accepts me. But I'm not free these cuffs are still on me.
I turn back to the lady who I assume is my lawyer.
"Hi, I am Jay Wilard I'm guessing you're my lawyer," I say with a smile.
"Hi Mr. Wilard, I'm Tabitha Grant with Grant and Flint Law Firm and I'm here to represent your case."
"So um what are they specifically charging me with?"
"Assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder," she says.
Oh shit. I fucked up.
"Oh shit," I say.
I can feel my heart pounding. My armpits are real wet at this point. The nervous sweating is too much.
