FEAR

Chapter 2

That night I sat I my room, thinking, crying,and eavesdropping on my mom and dad talking. I heard them screaming at each other about what to do. My mom was screaming, "we can't put dangerous chemicals in her!" And my dad screamingly, "It is her only chance!"
I couldn't believe it! First I get cancer then I break apart my family! I have had enough of this cancer! Why does God hate me! Why is God standing back and letting this happen!
I had always gone to church and had a solid relationship with God! Why was he letting this happen?! I cried myself to sleep never wanting to wake up!
I woke the next morning and automatically started crying. My parents and I came to the agreement that I wasn't going to school for a couple of weeks. Or, until I was reacting to the treatment that started in around one week.
I quickly got dressed so I would feel less disgusted with myself. Cancer made me feel like I couldn't function; like there was no purpose to live anymore!
I walked down the stairs very slowly. My mom called to me,"How are you feeling today?" She made it sound like I was a sick puppy that needed special care. I AM NOT a sick little puppy!!!
"I'm fine," I said. I quickly grabbed some bacon off the stove and ran back upstairs! As a tween you're in a phase where you care what everyone else thinks. So, I thought long and hard about how I would present myself to my fellow sixth graders. I somehow got the idea in my head that I had the word Cancer printed on my forehead with black Sharpie!
I have an older brother named Liam that is a freshman in high school. He normally acts like he doesn't even know that I exist! But, today he came into my room and just looked at me. I was pretending that I was asleep but I was really staring at him with my eyes half closed. Liam's face expression wasn't the same disgusted look he normally has but a loving, depressed look.
I thought that the loving look was just from him looking at my Katniss poster. I came to the conclusion that the depressed look came from the fact that his friends might not come over because I was contaminated.
I grabbed my phone out of the bottom drawer of my dresser and I checked my messages immediately! I had to know if my friends knew about my Cancer contamination! My mom always has told me that real friends will stick with you throughout everything. I hate to crush her physiologist mom moment but I think we all know that if you aren't cool anymore that your friends will desert you faster than you can explain!
All I knew going into this journey was I knew it would be hard. But trust me, at the beginning I. Ever realized how hard it was actually going to be. In the beginning I had this thing called FEAR and it hurt me more that the cancer was going to.