On this particular spring day Joshua woke up feeling weird. He was neither happy nor sad. Looking out of the window he admires the pink and red tulips swaying calmly. The big oak tree was finally looking more alive, Joshua stares deeply at the tips of the new oak leaves because the light rain left some waterdrops falling carefree around the bright green grass. This scenery was addicting to him. The more he was deep in his thoughts he came to the conclusion that there was a nostalgic, longing feeling growing in his system since the moment he woke up.
Joshua was sitting cross legged in front of the window, his head was being held up by his left hand while his right hand was picking at the hem of his shirt. His now long brown bangs were covering his face almost entirely. He was fighting with his mind. The memories kept arising and he wasn't ready to think about them again. Of course, they were always in his mind but shoved in the back where he couldn't concentrate on them. He felt something wet fall on his thigh and that's when he knew he couldn't beat them this time. All the memories rushed to the poor boys mind like a hurricane.
Sniffing, trying to not sob aloud, Joshua whispers "I miss you so much ... Why, why... tell me Jeonghan, why???"
Joshua was not used to expressing his feelings. Every second he was cringing, feeling embarrassed to even talk to himself. Suddenly he thought of the moment he met his first love.
Flashback
The two young boys sat down on a bench in the park watching the sunset. They were calming down because Jeonghan kept cracking stupid jokes the whole time and Joshua couldn't contain his laughter.
Looking at the concrete with happy tears flooding his eyes he says "J-Jeonghan, please stop. I can't stop laughing! I think i got abs, my stomach hurts!!" Joshua slaps Jeonghans arm as he looks up and stares at the boy.
The orange-red sunset was covering Jeonghans face accentuating his feminine features. His black bangs sitting perfectly across his forehead, his long naturally curled lashes opening up his already large eyes, eyes filled with love. Even the dumbest person could tell that Jeonghan loves Joshua.
There was silence.
Joshua felt like he was in a staring contest. Jeonghan wasn't saying anything and that made Jisoo even more anxious.
The heavy atmosphere was driving Joshua crazy. It was like he was being strangled by Jeonghans gaze, and surely he didn't enjoy it. Suddenly the quietness was disturbed.
"Have you ever been in love, Jisoo?" Jeonghan asks.
Joshua couldn't answer. Not because he didn't know. Don't get him wrong, he HAS been in love before, right? The question caught him so off guard, he just opened his mouth waiting to say something.
"Ah....uh... What did you say?" Joshua was so nervous, visibly shaking a bit.
Jeonghan immediatley notices Joshuas erratic behaviour "Oh, Jisoo, i'm so sorry i didn't mean to scare you. I was just curious."
Joshua was about to scream NO, because he didn't want Jeonghan to think he didn't like him back. It's just that this was so new to him.. liking a boy. He didn't know what to do.
And now you might laugh at Jisoo, but since he isn't good with his words, he decided to do something extremely risky. Jisoo thought "i'm sorry Jeonghan but i can't help it".
Jeonghan and Joshua shared a tiny quick peck. It was fast, but fresh and cute just like the pink cherry petals surrounding them.
Joshua pulled away not looking at Jeonghan at all. He was scared. The first thought that came to his mind was that he ruined a new just blossoming friendship because of his selfishness. Just as he was about to apologize he was quickly interrupted with a kiss, much more passionate. It was like Jeonghan was answering all of Jisoo's questions.
End of Flashback
It was now night time. In the tranquil darkness you can hear crickets. The moonlight was shining bright in front of Joshuas now swollen but calm face.
"Jeonghan, i still miss the floral smell of your hair, the goosebumps i'd get whenever you'd be beside me, those eyes of yours, they always told me the truth. You loved me. It slowly killed me, to realize, that those eyes, didn't look at me the same. That gaze filled with affection and adoration was not meant for me anymore. I didn't want it to be true. Now i'm sitting here, still stung by the truth. Angel, one so true, i still love you."
