Mutual feelings bill kaulitz fanfic

𝔡𝔢𝔠𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰

TW:DRUG ABUSE, MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE

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-after the tour (back in Germany)

-3rd persons POV

__ woke up with a weird feeling, of course the first thing that came to mind was the come down of my molly, since she'd be feeling it for the next few weeks or months she didn't think anything of it, she knew there was something wrong with her but she never actually put in the effort to see a specialist, her grandma tried to convince her to see psychiatrists all the time before she died but she objected every suggestion she made, at this point in her life it was all getting worse, the meltdowns, the mood swings, the anger issues, the self harm, the suicidal thoughts, and the episodes.
Well that's what she likes to call them, ever since she was 13 she noticed that every few months she'd have these spurts of anger, self destructiveness, euphoria, all of this would begin to go on for shorts amount of time and it would happen for months on end and then she would go into a deep depression, she thought it was normal for a teenager, so she never dealt with her episodes, until now.

-__s POV

Fuck that come down is hitting me so fucking hard,
I began to space out and stare at my ceiling not even noticing, I feel so...empty,
I decided to get up to have a cigarette hoping that this would make me feel a bit better but as soon as I sat up I immediately wanted to lay back down, and so I did, my body felt so fake, my eyes felt like little tvs, all of this was so overwhelming to comprehend so I just shut my eyes and tried to forget this is all even happening, a few seconds later I heard a knock on my door,
It was bill, "guten Morgen mein liebe" "ah guten Morgen Billy" "how are you feel love, you look tired" "yeah I feel a bit tired and I feel so weird right now too I can't explain it" "what do you mean my liebe?" "I don't know it's like, my body isn't mine" "oh?" "Ugh I don't know how to explain, please don't think I'm crazy" "no no mein liebe I would never think that, it's just this is all sounds weird to be to, well when you're feeling better me and Tom made some breakfast/lunch if you're hungry" "danke Billy but I'm probably just gonna lay in my bed for a while, I don't really have an appetite at the moment" "ok mein liebe, get some sleep if that'll help",
Bill left and closed the door behind him, I started to feel like even more shit, and I got the best idea ever, I still have drugs from the other night at the club, I saw some acid and coke in two little baggys, I immediately grabbed the acid and sat on my bed,
Contemplating if I should take it or not,
Ugh fuck it, I put 2/5 tabs on my tongue and laid down waiting for it to dissolve, I waited abt 20ish minutes and I started to feel like my arms were stretchy, I sat up and I felt so light, like I could fly almost,
I looked at a painting on my wall that looked like it was breathing and I sat down in front of it watching it for a few minutes, I heard foot steps approaching my door and soon a little knock came with it, "yeah?" I yelled from the other side "can I come in?" I heard toms voice and immediately rushed to my bed "I guess so" I said back trying to hide the fact that I was high out of my mind right now, "uh hey we made break-" "yeah I know" fuck that was kind of bitchy ugh whatever "hey I was only coming to tell you-" "well I already told bill that I'm not fucking hungry" "a-are you high?" He was looking straight into my eyes, fuck. "Ugh why does it matter to you" "uhm well maybe because you can't be doing drugs like every other fucking day" "aha oh my god I'm not your girlfriend Tom just mind your fucking business" "yeah you may not be my girlfriend but you're my brothers have some fucking human decency" "whatever I bet you wish I was though" "would you shut the fuck up" "no because we both know that it's true, maybe if you weren't such a man whore you would've actually been able to be with me but no you just loveee pussy don't you" "shut the fuck up __!" "What you started this argument" "no the fuck I didn't" "yes you did oh my fucking god how dense are you" "I have no recollection of it so no I didn't" "go fuck yourself honestly",
Did I start that argument? Fuck my trip is gonna be bad now, whatever I'm gonna try to make the best of it,
I thought it was a good idea to go out of my room, that was a huge fucking mistake, everyone's out here, I stood there staring at all of them trying to act as sober as possible but he knew, bill knew right away, "__ are you ok?" His face started to melt and I tried to walk away as fast as possible but he and Georg were now following me, I turned around and everything now looked so colourful, bills eyes were enlarged and Georg just looked demented, I was scared so I ran away trying to find my room but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't, finally, I found my bedroom, I ran inside and locked the door, running over to my bed I hid under my blankets, I felt so shaky and scared right now, ugh maybe if I watch a show it'll calm me down, I peaked my head out of my blanket trying to look for my remote but I kept seeing black figures in the corner of my eye, they're watching me, I kept hearing my door knob jingle, and then I got the bright idea to look in the mirror, I got up and went to my bathroom, when I looked in the mirror my pupils were huge, but suddenly my face started melting and I had a weird grin, i rushed to my bed and called bill, fuck this trip is so horrible, "hello mein liebe are you ok? Open the door" "ok Billy but I'm not gonna look at you", I walked over to the door to unlock it looking down at my feet the whole time, bill grabbed me and carried me to my bed and covered me in my blankets, he held me and caressed my hair which seemed to calm me down "shhh it's gonna be ok just breathe" I felt calmer but I was still terrified of opening my eyes, soon I started to feel sleepy again, we've been watching movies for about 3 hours now, I haven't left my bed due to me being horrified of anything I'd see while still in this state, I felt the euphoria feelings go away and I knew I was coming down, I searched for my phone and saw that it was now 6 pm in the evening, I started to feel sleepy so I just laid there allowing myself to drift off.

-1249 words

-here is pt 9 my children, I have been quite depressed lately so sorry for the late updates I'll try my best to make the new chapters as soon as I can, also feel free to leave any ideas at all in the comments, I'm also open to taking recommendations for writing new books!
Have fun reading this new chapter my loves <3