Mutual feelings bill kaulitz fanfic

𝔣𝔲𝔠𝔨

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-TW: SELF H@RM MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND S@

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-a month after (back in Germany)

-3rd persons POV

___ had finally gotten her referral to a psychiatrist, she was nervous not knowing what to think or what to say so she said nothing for the rest of the day and the ride there, everything was a blur for her, she couldn't stay focused and spaced out almost every few minutes,
The whole time her bad bill were looking for a psychiatrist she felt the urge to just want to jump off of a roof or hide away under a rock until she stopped breathing, she tried to, many nights and times when she stayed up all night until the sun came up, she sat there in her thoughts, sometimes she'd grab the tiny blade from her dresser and she'd make tiny cuts, they were small but she'd go over them a few times so they'd be deep enough to her liking.

This feeling ate her alive, she didn't want to exist this way, she blamed everything on her parents and how they raised her, why couldn't she have had a normal childhood.

Why didn't they protect her?

Why didn't they protect her from themselves and her uncles?

Every night since she was 13 she would sit in the darkness and stare off into the abyss of her room until she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore, thinking about how different her life would be if she was brought up differently, or if she was born into a different family.

At the age of 15 she would drink and drive because she liked the adrenaline rush, the thought of almost crashing, swerving on the road, the car rolling over and killing her, it made her feel alive, it made her feel something because she couldn't feel anymore, at this point in her life everything was just grey and sad.

On the way to the psychiatry office bill held her hand the entire way, but she didn't notice, she was dissociating the whole entire time without even realizing, she was lost in her thoughts and what the psychiatrist might say about her, or if she has something seriously wrong with her.

-a couple weeks later

-3rd persons POV

"Miss __ we've been meeting for a couple weeks now and I feel like Today is the day that I break the news to you"

__ took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly "I'm ready"
Bill held her hand tight and squeezed it.

"Well the things all three of us have talked about these past weeks, including your childhood and teenage history, tells me that you have Depersonalization-derealization disorder, and borderline personality disorder"
"Both of these disorders look different in everyone and it is caused by neglect as a child, being exposed to inappropriate things such as drugs as a child, and or traumatic events."

"Oh wow uhm" __ was at a loss for words, she didn't know what to say to this news
She already looked up disorders and stuff like that prior to coming to this appointment so it was even more agonizing for her
"Hey hey it's ok" bill said as he squeezed her hand.

"I will be proscribing you with a anti psychotic called quetiapine, it will cause side effects such as drowsiness, headaches, dizziness, and constipation"

"T-thank you uhm i don't know what to say"
__ was shaking a little and didn't know how to speak in this moment

"It's ok, It's a lot to take in especially if this is the first time you've ever heard something like this, but I'm sure that you'll be fine after you start taking your medication"
"Before you leave though, do you have any questions?"

"Uhm yes actually"
"Is there any cure for borderline personality disorder?" __ scooted up into her seat more sounding more curious

"It's a very low chance but there is a possibility, with intensive therapy and treatment you can be able to learn to live with borderline personality disorder but there is no official cure sorry, unfortunately some people can't live with it though"

"Oh ok thank you that's all I had to ask, we'll get going now bye have a good rest of your day"

"Bye miss __"

As soon as she left the office she almost felt like puking and crying, she ran to the bathroom and threw up her lunch.

She slide down the door bursting into tears and putting her face in her palms trying to muffle the cries but failed.

"No cure? Haha"
She laughed at herself and started to cry harder, "hey meine liebe are you okay in there?" Bill knocked from outside the door

"Yes Billy just give me a second"
She knew she couldn't cry in there forever so she just wiped her tears and went on with her day like nothing happened.

-back at home

Bill and __ walk through the door and see the rest of the band sitting in the living room watching some movies, "hey guys" "Heyy how did the appointment go" Georg says turning his head "..." __ stays quite and tries to avoid the question by walking away, "what's her problem?" Tom asks as he watches her walk away "she's been through alot this past month, right now she needs us especially since they just diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder" "oh shit" Georg says and immediately shuts up "wow i didn't know her mental health was that bad" Tom says as he eats his popcorn.

"Well she needs us guys"

"I'll do anything to make her feel somewhat normal again" says bill.

-932 words

- i was contemplating on just ditching this story but I know I couldn't leave you guys hanging like that,
This is a intense topic and I'm sorry if I've triggered anyone those weren't my intentions,
Anyways enjoy this chapter, there will probably be only a few more chapters until I finish up this story 🫶