16 Letters

Chapter One

Her heart sank when she saw him standing by her door; she hadn't expected him for days after he told her he was in Vermont for his brother's funeral. When she made eye contact she knew there was no turning back. She had to face him now, he tried to hug her, she hesitated but eventually gave in and gripped him, she missed him but would never forget what he did.

"Come inside" she said, he followed.

"Coffee?", "yes please, black, no sugar" he responded.

He had changed more than she thought, he never drank black bitter coffee, couldn't stand it from what she remembered, but never the less she brought him what he asked for. They sat there looking at each other in silence; she absorbed all his features, his stubble, trimmed maybe 2 weeks ago, his high cheekbones, his tired eyes, and pale complexion after stressing for days on end.

"You look good" is all he managed to say after a good 15 minutes of silence.

"Thanks, you look like you've had better days I guess", she said.

"you don't know what I've been through do you, you sit here in your home reading books or painting the world away and you tell me it looks like I've had better days, no shit I've had better days Clair, what do you expect....."

"Well I'm sorry Johnathan! you ...."

"Don't interrupt me Clair, listen to what I have to say, I'm not done."

"No. when you left you never told me or anyone where you were going and 3 months later you call me and tell me you're in Vermont because Stephan died, and you want to go off at me and treat me like I'm in the wrong. Johnathan, I loved you and you cheated on me with my damn sister and then you left so don't try to play the victim here."

"Oh then why didn't you call then to see where I was or if I was even still alive, huh?"

"Because I didn't give a shit weather you still lived or not, Emily told me you cheated on me with her and believe me I nearly freaking killed her too before trying to find you and get a hold of your neck. I can't do this anymore, I was ready to forgive you when I saw you but now I think I have second thoughts, get out of my house, how about you run back to Emily, maybe she can give what I apparently couldn't."

"fine, good bye Clair!"

*********

She broke down in tears and tried to cry herself to sleep like she used to when he yelled at her while they were together, she found it sad but the best coping mechanism, better than cutting or drugs she often thought....

She ended up thinking about him somehow every time she closed her eyes, like a nightmare that never ended, a loop that never stopped, a rapid that never calmed or a child that was never silenced. Over and over she tried to fall asleep until eventually she popped a sleeping pill and let it do its work

*********

When he got home he threw everything around and made a racket, he tried calling Clair but she never answered. He blamed himself for everything that's happened to her, she never deserved it he thought but there's nothing he could do to fix it now is there? He popped open a beer and put on his tv and sat on the couch, later he decided to go to bed and forget about everything.

He never regretted what he did with Emily, maybe he would do what his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, told him to do, he didn't even know what she was to him anymore.