The Devil Next Door (Matt Murdock × fem reader)

Part 6 - Routine

I stare at the ceiling for the third night in a row. Everytime I close my eyes, my whole body yearns for sleep. And yet it doesn't come. If I manage to doze off, it's followed by abruptly waking in a sweaty and frantic state from nightmares that feel too real.
I listen to the muffled sounds of the city, my own breathing, occasionally the sound of my cat eating.

I roll over and look at the time on my phone. 4:00AM. And I have work in the morning. This is what happens when time doesn't stop. It's selfish to wish for it to stop just on my account.
Matt did tell me that I could take some time off if I wanted. But I declined his offer. I need routine. Or at least that's how I felt before all of these sleepless nights.

I roll back over, and slide my body down a bit so my pillow hits the sore part of my neck. I shut my eyes, praying to whoever will listen that I can get some rest.
When they open, it's because of my alarm. I shut it off and begin my day.

~~~

I've been using coffee as a crutch for the past few days. Today I bought some for the whole office. As I go to open the door, I let out a frustrated sigh. Trying to juggle the cardboard holder with 4 coffees in it and also my purse, and open the door would normally be an inconvenient, but small feat. But today my sleep deprived brain can't seem to get a firm grasp on any task.
After much struggling and a stream of curses leaving my lips, I manage to turn the handle on the door and push my way through without spilling the coffee.

"Hey, guys! I got coffee for everyone." I say, stumbling into the room. Karen turns and looks at me from where she was standing in the kitchen. "Oh great, because we just ran out of kureg pods."

I didn't tell them what happened to me the other night, and I asked Matt not to as well. As far as Karen and Foggy know, I am completely fine.

Foggy walks out of his office promptly, "I heard coffee?" Foggy and Karen each grab a cup from the holder and acknowledge me with grateful grins.
I walk past them to Matt's office. Matt is sitting at his desk, reading a file. I watch him momentarily before announcing myself. I like watching his fingers rush over the paper, and the look of concentration on his face.
I knock on the side of the doorframe to call his attention.
"Got ya some coffee." He sits up straighter in his chair and smiles at me.
"Ah, you're a life saver!"

I walk over to the desk and set my stuff down, then hand Matt his coffee. "Eh, it's just what I do. What're you reading?"
Matt takes a sip of his coffee. "File for the Murphy case, not something I'd usually be reading before I've had my coffee."
I sit down in my chair. "That bad? I knew that case had something darker going on but, didn't know exactly what."
Matt sighs, and leans his elbows on the table. "From what I've read so far, it seems like that anonymous call to the NYPD that got Mrs. Murphy arrested may have been from someone she trusted. Which means, if she was framed, it was by someone who knew her very well." I look out the window, then back over to Matt. "You really think she's innocent?"

Matt's lips form a tight line, then he lets out a breath before he responds. "I believe that even though Mrs. Murphy has a criminal record..that doesn't automatically mean that she is capable of this type of crime. She may not be totally innocent, but she didn't burn down that building and kill those people. From what I can tell, her past crimes, were all so that she could provide for her family. And I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that Mrs. Murphy can return to her children. And soon."
I look down at my hands, which I've been fidgeting with in my lap. I look up at Matt and can't help a slight smile as I look at his determined face.

"See Matt, that's what I admire about you. You're always making sure that-that the people who have something to live for, someone who loves them and needs them. You make sure that they can get back to them, or you at least try. You fight for Justice, not everyone in our field really does."
He smiles at my words, a genuine and thankful smile. He sips his coffee and his gaze is distant over my shoulder. Then he focuses in so that his blind gaze is held on my face.

"I believe that's what God put me here to do. It's my purpose, to aid in the carrying out of justice. To use the system that is so easily corrupt, for the side of the people of this city who deserve a second chance. I take care of people, in the way that I know how to."
I put my hands on the desk, and grab his.
"And you do a great job. In the courtroom, and outside of it. You save lives, Matt. Even if it's more indirectly than the Avengers, or The Devil of Hell's Kitchen. I believe that you're a hero. At least, you're my hero. I didn't thank you for what you did the other night. But, it means a lot to me. I haven't had anyone show up for me like that in a long time."

Matt gives my right hand a gentle squeeze, then holds it in both his hands, tracing little patterns on my skin with his thumbs. "How've you been doing?" His voice is soft, and concerned. "We haven't talked about it since it happened. And you've been assuring me that everything is ok. But you seem...drained."

I let out a small, almost inaudible sigh. "I'm tired. I haven't been sleeping. Everytime I try, there's these awful nightmares. And then I wake up, all panicked."
Matt hums softly, as a way of saying he's listening. "I'm sorry."

"Matt, why're you sorry? It's not your fault." He smiles humorlessly, almost as a rebuttle of some kind. "I can still feel sorry for you. I don't like that you're hurting."

I look away from him, and out the window. Mindlessly searching the brick wall across the street. Nice view. "You know, sometimes late at night. I thought about calling my sister." I look back over to him. "Or you."
Matt's breath hitches. He must not have expected that.

"You can call me anytime. I understand what it's like to go through something on your own. Next time you think about calling, don't let your conscience tell you otherwise. Just call. I'll answer."
A wave of comfort washes over me. I have to hold back tears.
"You promise?"

"Cross my heart."