Fire on Ice

Part 41

Nora POV

When I wake up my head is pounding like it's being slammed by a hammer. I reluctantly open my eyes to find myself starting at a black wall. The possibility that Gigi decided to repaint her apartment all black is very low, so I definitely didn't go home with her last night. I wipe the sleep out of my eyes and take in my surroundings.

Fuck. I'm in Nikolas' room. Why? What happened last night? I scan through my memories of last night and when I get to the one of Nikolas asking me if I wanted to 'get out of here' I put my head in my hands and groan.

"I thought you'd feel like that so I made you breakfast." Nikolas says when he walks in the room with a plate of food. He's wearing his signature black hoodie with gray sweatpants, and his hair looks still wet from a shower.

"Oh thanks." I mumble when he sets the plate down next to me. Oh god, it's the pastry he made me the morning after we started dating. The memories flood my brain and I quickly try to shut them off. "Here, I also brought you an aspirin for your head." He sticks his hand out and I take the pill, reaching for the glass of water on the side table. "Thanks for all of this" I say, embarrassed at my state and how I look.

"Of course." He says with a charming smile. There's an awkward silence while I eat and eventually I have to know, "What exactly happened last night? We didn't..." I trail off, not wanting to say it. Nikolas lets out a laugh, "No, we didn't. You passed out the second we got in the car, so I just drove you here and put you to bed." Relief and further embarrassment run through me and I feel my face heat up. "Oh thank god" I let out a sigh. He frowns slightly at my response, "Would it have been such a bad thing if we did?"

His question stops me in my tracks. After him being so cold to me these last few weeks, that's the last thing I thought would come out of his mouth. "Well, yeah I mean we're not exactly together. And you're dating someone else." Despite his explanation last night, I can't help saying the last few words with bitterness. He sighs, "I told you I'm not really dating her, and even though we're broken up, I still love you." I take a breath at his confession. I know he's said that to me before, but it takes my breath away each time. I don't say anything in response, which puts us in an awkward silence again. I finish eating and put the plate down next to me.

"I should go, thanks for taking care of me." I say and start getting up. "Did you mean it?" He asks. I look at him in confusion, "What?"

"Did you mean it, when you said you didn't love me anymore." He clarifies. His words once again take me by surprise, and I think about what I should say. Should I lie to him again for his own benefit and say that I did? Or should I stop fighting my feelings and just tell him the truth?

"No." I whisper. His face remains expressionless, "Then why did you say it?"

Realizing we're having this conversation right now, I fully sit up on the bed and run a hand through my hair, "Because I knew it would get you to stop trying. You kept giving me all these reasons to stay, and they were working, so I had to stop you."

"But why? Why did you have to? We could be happy together instead of miserable apart right now." I open my mouth to respond but he cuts me off, "And don't tell me you aren't miserable. Gigi told me you barely go out anymore, always in the apartment." Man, what the hell Gigi?

"It's not just about that though. Our relationship was taking my attention away from my mom, and I know that makes me sound like a horrible daughter or girlfriend or maybe both, but I had to put my mom first. I have to." My voice cracks at the end and I look away to blink away the tears.

He's silent for a long time before eventually saying, "I don't think I can do this anymore." I turn back to him but he's not looking at me, "What?"

"I don't think I can keep fighting for you when you don't want me. It's not fair to you, and it's definitely not fair to me."