Growing Up Gay

Healing ch. 24

       It takes me awhile for me to even think of getting over someone. Especially someone such as Sean but I need to move on. I have come to terms that we are just on different levels. I am someone who's been more mature and mentally older than others around me for ages.
       I think it's harder for me to get over Sean due to ht e fact of how close we are. Like me and him have been talking practically everyday. I even became the person he would drag to go with him for things.
      Our personalities mesh so well together most wished we'd actually end up together. In the end it didn't happen, I don't know what I thought would happen. I am nowhere close to his type.
       Some may say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Even so I'm not that type of person no matter how hard I try. Like I've been trying to go into a hoe phase but it's hard when I get way too attached so fast.
       My friends think I just need to get out more in order to find a boyfriend that will actually treat me right and understand me. But I rather just stay single, like being in a relationship is too much drama.
       In a relationship you are at your most vulnerable. I believe that I'm just not meant for one. When I think of my perfect life I don't see a partner in my future. All I see is my reading a book near a fireplace with a dog on my lap. I see no kids or partners to my parent's dismay.
        As I mentioned my mom wants me to have a wife and family but theres one problem in her plan. First I'm gay and second I don't want kids. Children drain me so fast its actually kinda funny. I have to take breaks from them even when im babysitting.
       Like I can deal with them for about 30 minutes till I have to take a 5 minute break from them. I think I can't deal with kids because of how I was as a kid. Like I've said from a young age I've been mature. If I had a penny for every time I've been called an "old soul" I would be rich by now.
       Anyways back to healing, as I said it's a long process for me. What I needed at first was just space and I'm getting that with 2 weeks away from Sean. Honestly I do believe I dodged a bullet, he's weird. And honestly I bet he's better as a friend then as a boyfriend.
When I mean he's weird I mean I think he found it funny to make me uncomfortable. Like he would ask to got through my twitter and he was okay with possibly seeing certain things. Also he asked me what masturbating is and if I do it. All I said was thats for me to know and for you not to.
So all in all I dodged a bullet and theres got to be a hot bisexual skater boy out there for me. That's just a joke I enjoy being single and free. I like to spend time by myself or going out exploring with my friends.