blossom out | minsung

2.

| jisung's pov |

"good morning, han-ssi! welcome in!" june opens the door and i'm 2 minutes early. she's changed and ready to leave i see.

"you're in time! perfect! um...hana is eating her breakfast right now, she'll probably want to watch a movie afterwards or something but i made a schedule. it's right on the counter. make yourself at home and...don't burn the house! haha!"

"heh."

she goes over to hana and kisses her on the cheek. "i'll see you later, okay, hana? behave and don't give han-ssi such a hard time, okay?"

"ookayy, mama."

she kisses her forehead and seems hesitant to leave but ends up walking away. "thank you so much, han-ssi."

"yeah, no problem..!"

"okay, i'll be going now."

"goodbye, june-nim!"

"bye!" she closes the door behind her and i set my backpack down beside the couch before making my way to the note that was placed neatly on the counter.

hana's schedule!
9:00am-10:20am: breakfast
10:20-11:30am: movie time
11:30-12:40am: play time
12:40-1:10pm: snack time
1:10-2:10pm: play time
2:10-2:30pm: nap time
2:30-3:40pm: lunchtime
3:40-4:15: take a walk
4:15-8:00: playtime
or anything you'd want!!

i scan through it out and then have to re-read it twice. wow. so much. that i don't think i'll do so accurately. i glance at hana who's eating her breakfast peacefully. i slowly walk up to her.

"you seem like a well behaved daughter, hmm? i'm surprised your parents don't seem at all worried who they're just letting in their house so welcoming. don't they at the least feel worried? such a moved generation, i guess."

i walk up to the hana and bend my knees slightly to face her eye to eye. "hello, hana. nice to meet you, my names han jisung. your new babysitter. ok? okay. i'm going to make myself some breakfast 'cause i'm so hungry. tell me when you want to get off okay?" i tell her, and make my way to the fridge to see what they have.

i grab some egg and then look around the counters to find some ramen. thankfully, they have some. i make myself some ramen with egg and wait till hana finally tells me she wants to get off her high chair.

i start eating while hana starts playing with her toys in the living room. i watch from afar, not sure if it's such a good idea to eat elsewhere that wasn't the kitchen. when i'm all done, i wash up my dish and walk back to hana.

"hey, hana, do you want me to play with you?" i ask in a soft voice.

she quietly refuses and takes her toys away from me. i sigh and lay down on the carpet, wondering what to do next.

i need to warm up to her.

what do i usually do to make kids like me?

nothing. really, nothing. just, be myself i guess.

myself. my spontaneous self that i can never show to anyone because of the fear of being judge and looked by. the fear of being called out and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. the fear of being the person no one ever really likes. of being the wrong person they don't want me to be. of doing the wrong things that they don't want me doing. i know my friends wouldn't say or think of me this way but my mind doesn't really believe that. i really don't believe i can be myself with others because of the fear of being disliked and being ignored. instead, i ignore them. because i just don't want that to happen to me.