I have a fear of motherhood.
Every time I hang out with my nieces and nephews, some of my relatives would abruptly tell me when will I going to make one of mine.
Hope it's that easy.
I usually tell them, that day is too far ahead - I mean I wasn't even married - then they would add these words, you're already at the right age.
But how would one know that they are at the right age when they are still trying to figure out everything in their life?
I'm terrified of being a mother, the idea of not giving the things my child deserve gives me a crippling fear and thought that maybe I'm not cut out for motherhood.
What if they ask me to solve a math problem I didn't know, what if I couldn't give them a good education, a nice home or just even enough food on their plate?
But amidst all that worries, I think what I fear the most is what if they are crying in their room silently without me knowing.
Keeping in their silent battles.
What if I turn out to be a mother that they couldn't run to at times like that?
Let me change that, I think I have a fear of parenthood.
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Twenties Entries
Non-FictionEntries and thoughts about life, love, sorrow, happiness, good days, bad days, and the like. They often say that it's okay to feel lost in your 20s, I hope I'm getting closer to being found.
