when a soul mates

cheers to trying

Dean didn't know what to say and how to react. It couldn't be just them. Death told him-

"Death said I felt that way when you died because of it," Dean said, but he felt weak, this was too much in too short time. He suffered for seven months, for 12 years and now it all went down in just a few days.

"Yes. But this..." He gave Deans palm a slight push to make him understand, "has nothing to do with it."

"No, but Death said-" and then it hit Dean. Death didn't say anything. Dean just figured it out and explained it for himself, made sense out of something based on assumptions that he formed from Death's words, from what his brain tried to convince him was the answer to it all. It was an easy solution, an easy explanation and it did made sense to Dean, still. And he had no idea why it wouldn't be just what Dean interpreted out of it. Why else would he be driven to Cas' near so badly?

"What does it have to do with then?"

Cas face relaxed and he gave him a small smile. He reached for Deans other hand and Dean let him take it in his, bringing it up like the other one and intertwining their fingers again. Dean felt his knees go wobbly, but everything in Cas' face steadied him right back. This felt great. It really did. All the warmth spreading around their touch and the comfort it brought him. He wanted to feel it all over him.

Pathetic.

"Well..." Cas started and moved their hands a bit. "Souls can fit perfectly with another one. Every soul can connect with others, but there is only one perfectly matched counter piece. Chuck created souls, so he knew which ones fit together. As evil as he was, he sometimes distributed them so far out of reach, that they wouldn't ever find the other one.

When you went to hell, he knew only an angel could pull your soul out of there and because he knew it was difficult, he needed your counter piece. And he sent me."

Dean frowned slowly, wishing he'd understood what Cas' was trying to tell him.

"The only reason I was able to give you a piece of my soul and take one from yours, was because they fit..."

Cas loosened his grip with his fingers and let go of Dean, he grabbed Deans shoulders and firmed his look.

"But anything after that was just up to me and you. Just because two soulmates find each other it doesn't mean they are destined to stay together, to bond and crave each other so badly. Humans who find their soul mate still don't fall in love or become friends automatically. You don't connect emotionally or physically just because your souls are matching. It's on you."

Cas shifted his hands up onto Deans neck over to his checks and held them there. Goosebumps spread over Deans skin, a wave of heat captured him.

"I saw your soul Dean and it made me weak for you. All the decisions I made, I did them for you, because I knew you were a good man.

But it didn't make me fall in love with you. I love you for who you are. All of it, even the things you don't like about yourself. And none of this has to do anything with our soul connection.

It's sheer willingness to be close to you, to touch you and to long for you with everything I have. I can't leave you, because I love you, not because my soul doesn't let me. I just simply love you, Dean."

There was nothing simple about that. Dean had found peace within himself for these feelings he hoarded for Cas over the years, because he found a way to explain them away. He thought he had found a way out, a way where he didn't have to hate himself anymore for his desire for Cas.

And now Cas told him that his perfect little excuse was totally incredible. It was ineffective because the logic behind it wasn't applying to reality.

He wanted to have something he could blame his need for Cas on, despite himself. He spent years of convincing himself he didn't actually want to be this close to Cas, but now that he knew how it felt like to hold his hand,