Here With Me - A Formula 1 Story

My Blood

My heart lurches in my chest as I read through the text messages from Charles. What does he mean he never should have listened to his team? I'm so confused, and I want to call him, because stupidly I miss him. My finger hovers over his name but just as I'm about to press the call button, I get an email notification...from Charles' PR representative. 

As I click on it to read it, my blood turns cold and any part of me that wanted to talk to Charles has evaporated. Sitting in my inbox, is a copy of an NDA, the email short and precise. 'Sign this as soon as possible'. I open it, read through it quickly and at the very bottom I see the signature of none other than Charles. Tears threaten to spill over as I stare at my phone screen. He told me time and time again that he would never make me sign an NDA. He told me he trusts me. I guess that's not true anymore.

​ As I'm standing in the middle of the airport, waiting for my bags to get to me on the conveyor belt, I'm struggling not to break down and sob like I want to. Instead, I digitally sign the NDA, attach it to my email reply and write a debatable catty message 'See attached. Don't worry, I'm no longer your PR nightmare, you can relax now. Please never contact me again. I won't be a problem for you if you're not a problem for me'. With that sent and done with, I pull up the messages from Charles again and before I can think about it, I start typing.

​​​ Me: I signed your NDA.
​​​ Me: Now leave me alone.
​​​ Charles: What NDA?
​​​ Charles: I will not leave you alone.

​ Before I can even finish reading his message, he's calling me. For a moment I debate ignoring the call, but I don't think ignoring him will help, so I answer.

​​ "Lydia, what is going on?!" He says into the phone when I accept the call. I roll my eyes because he can't be serious.

​​ "Don't play stupid Charles. Your PR person just emailed me the NDA that you signed already. I guess now that I'm not waiting around for you to figure out if you want to be with me, I'm no longer trustworthy to you." I snap with anger.

​​ "I never signed an NDA! I never asked for you to sign one! I do want to be with you, mon soleil. Please just give me a chance to explain everything." He pleads, sounding desperate and for a moment I believe him. For a moment I want to hear his explanation. But then reality sets in.

​​ "No, I don't want to hear another one of your explanations. You have your NDA, now please leave me alone. I can't keep doing this with you. I'm done." I say as I quickly wipe away a tear that escaped my eye.

​​ "No! You're not done!" He booms and I flinch slightly by how emotional he sounds.

​​ "Charles, you said it yourself only days ago. I'm just the mother of the boy you're mentoring. There's nothing going on between us. And now you and your team don't need to worry about us getting seen or photographed together ever again. The headache that is Lydia Kincaid is gone, and you can spin the story however you want. Your fans already hate me, so just explain that I was just a lonely, sad, and deluded woman who thought you loved me, make me seem crazy.

"Fuck, I think that may be true anyways, so you won't even be lying." I laugh sardonically as I realize that I truly was deluded. Deluded in thinking we could ever work in the long wrong, deluded for ever thinking a man like him could love a woman like me.

​​ "Mon soleil, no..." He begins to say but I cut him off before he can say whatever he was about to say.

​​ "Unfortunately, that deluded, crazy woman fell in love with you. It was hard not to. Now she has to start over in a brand new place, away from the only person who has never left her." I say sadly as tears fall freely from my eyes now. I'm close to losing control in the middle of the airport, so I remind myself I'll be back with Ezra in only a few months. It will be okay.