unrealistic illusion

hurt?

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[Later that day after lunch ]
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NOBITA'S P.O.V

"Shit i don't know what to do" i thought as i sat down, the teacher walked into the class  and started talking about something about history but i wasn't paying attention my mjnd was already full with the words dekisugi said

"Am i just going to help him get together with sizuka?..." my heart throbbed as i glanced over dekisugi,he was concentrating in class i felt a small smile appearing on my lips it wasn't a happy smile it was a sad and depressing smile it quickly faded when i looked away

'How?...hah..i shouldn't be suprised he was out of my reach from the beginning i mean i had zero chance to begin with....I'll just have to be a good bestfriend to him..'  a little frown appeared on my face as i  thought about these things more, i shook my head and decided i would  stop these thoughts
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--AFTER SCHOOL--
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THIRD PERSON'S P.O.V

School had already ended and everyone started to leave nobita was still dazed and was spacing out after some minutes he shook back to reality and saw everyone had already left he picked up his bag and dragged his legs to move although he didn't want to go home and stay far away from everyone, as he was leaving a pair of hands grabbed his backpack and stopped him

"Where are you going?" Sizuka said as nobita turned around

"Uh-home?" He said as if it wasn't  obvious

"No i mean you have cleaning duty with me and dekisugi today did you forget?" She said as she let go of  his backpack

'Oh shoot i forgot about that' nobita thought and glanced over at sizuka and dekisugi, he didn't want to be there being a third wheel for both of them because he was always like a invisible person when they were together but to be honest he didn't want to see them together and be more hurt than he was it was already too painful for him to endure it if he saw them together now he would break

"I have to go meet a relative of mine with my family it's very urgent so I'll have to go for now" he said with a nervous smile hiding his sadness, Sizuka glared at him with suspicious look as she stayed silent
"I promise I'll make up for it by treating you so pleasee sizuka" he said with puppy eyes

"Sigh..okay only today,got that?" Sizuka said giving in to nobita

"Thank you!" Nobita said as he rushed out after glancing a looking at dekisugi who was standing there looking at the two.

Sizuka sighed again "what am i gonna do with him" she said and turned to the boy standing behind her "let's get to work" she said and dekisugi nodded

Dekisugi was suspicious as to why nobita didn't talk to him and went straight home but then he thought nobita could've left  sizuka and him alone to get along and spend some time together, he smiled and got to work

NOBITA'S P.O.V

I ran out of there and went to the old bathroom where no one really came, i quickly went inside a stall and sat there panting from all the running "god why am i so pathetic?  I didn't even talk to dekisugi i hope he doesn't get any wrong idea"i thought as i tried controlling my breathing "i can't go on like this it'll ruin the friendship between us....i have to be strong..i-i have to..." i felt a sharp pain in my chest as if it was being smashed i grabbed my chest holding tightly as i felt my vision blurring "I'll have to ..forget about these ugly feelings of mine" my mind wondered as i felt my cheeks becoming warm with the  rolling tears, "shit now I'm crying ,so pathetic" i thought as more tears rolled down almost soaking the floor

Minutes later i stopped crying and went out  to wash my face, the reflection of myself seemed so ugly and unsettling i had to look away i turned on the water splashing it on my face as i drowned in my thoughts
"If...if i was a girl" i thought as i splashed some more water, i looked at the reflection and stared at it with a disgusted expression 

"if i was born as a girl....even i would love you normally....i  would also be normal and.....loving you wouldn't hurt this much"

Aha! How did you like it?

The last line was inspired from a manga not exactly the same dialogue but kinda similar