Two Lines

I was sitting on the cold floor, crouching, rather.

My legs were stretched out over the tiles, my big, baggy blue t-shirt was up to my hips while I sat.

I finally flipped it over, looking at it.

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

I stared at the plastic white stick.

Two Lines.

I stood up, staring at myself in the mirror.

"Shit." I said out loud.

This was my fifth test.

And as much as I couldn't accept it, I had nothing to do but accept it.

I was pregnant,

With Jayden's Baby.

And he had just broken up with me over an hour ago.

"Fuck." I quickly whispered harshly, this was going to get complicated.

I went out of the bathroom, holding my head in my hands, trembling as I walked, going out to the kitchen to grab some Dr. Pepper.

Wait.

Maybe I shouldn't drink that.

I sat down on the couch hesitantly, biting my lip.

Well, this was going to be hard.

See, the thing is, I have no one.

and, another thing, whenever I get someone, I push them away.

That's all I've done in life.

I did it to my parents.

I did it to my grandparents.

I did it to my sister.

I did it to my friends.

I did it to my boyfriend.

And now it was going to happen to my child.

I buried my head into my hands yet again, leaning over the lounge.

What was I supposed to do?

Who could I call?

I really did need help.

Maybe.. no.

But, no.

Wait. I had to. I had to call him.

I opened up my phone, setting the number to private.

I cautiously flipped through my contacts to find Jayden.

When his name was on the screen, I tapped it with great displeasure.

Ring ring, ring ring, ring ring, ring ring, ring--

"Hello?"

I hung up instantly.

Holy shit, how was I meant to cope? I couldn't even call him?

I was lost.

I thought about it for a minute,

But shot the thought out of my mind. No abortions. Not ever.

So I guess I was stuck here. Pregnant, alone, poor, what else was going to come and slap me in the face?

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

I've seen so many beautiful movies where the same thing happens and the baby is sweet and never mucks up, the woman finds the perfect husband and they live forever a perfect life.

Ha, who was I trying to kid?

That only happened in movies.

I guess all I could do really, was make it up as I go.

I had to go forward.

Uh, something I hated.

Moving forward sucks.

That's what I've been pushed to do all my life.

To move forward.

And I don't like it. Just being pushed out of my little comfortable squeezey bubble, pressured to live the way others want you to live.

I had a thing about conforming.

To anything, really. Even the law.

Hated school, hated working, hated peer pressure, hated all of it.

But I guess right now I could only move forward, as much as it hurt & pissed me off.