LF Friends, Will Travel

PSA: How not to act in space

Date: 64 PST (Post Stasis Time)

THE GALACTIC COMMUNITY AND YOU.

A PSA BY THE DIPLOMATIC ENVOY OF THE TERRAN CONCLAVE.

This pamphlet is also available in VR, digital, audio, braile, large print, morse code, semaphores and even interpretive dance. Frankly I will come to your house and sing it to you, if that is what it will take for you to understand these words.

I'm Jan Eagles, head of Terran - Xeno relations. If you're reading this, that means you've decided to travel the stars. This also means that you now have a second job: Representing Terrans wherever you go.

This PSA is a helpful guide on how to act like an adult, which based on the amount of contact I have with other diplomats and ambassadors, is a guide you all very clearly need. In the last hour I have had no less than 40 requests for communications: Death notifications, laws being broken, and other exciting new ways you all manage to fuck up the simplest of tasks. All of which require me or someone on my team to handle, in order to maintain relations, stop a war, or just in general pretend that Terrans aren't a bunch of unstable children running around.

So I'm writing this version, not some governmental think tank that will dilute my message through PR speak and calm words. I'm praying to whatever deity might exist, that by giving it to you straight, maybe some of you might actually understand these very very important lessons.

THE GOVERNMENT AND YOU

Realistically if you're applying for interstellar travel, you should already know this. However, considering the amount of reports of people referencing 'The American Constitution'. On an alien planet. 150 years after America and all similar forms of government stopped being a thing... Well clearly some of you need a refresher.

The Terran Conclave is the grouping of all 31 Terran planetary governments, with Terran being a catch all phrase for Humans, AI, uplifted species and everything else in between.

The Terran Alliance is a treaty covering 425 different species, involving military, trade, technology sharing, and immigration. It does not include the supplanting of existing laws and social norms with Terran social norms and laws. These two are separate things, please stop confusing them

The Federation is a vague grouping of all 31912 sapient species currently known to the galaxy at large. Their job is basically to host neutral meetings, keep the translators updated, and be terrible at everything else. They are useless. They are more than useless. If your safety requires the Federation to do anything at all, find another plan.

There are hundreds of other groups and alliances out in this galaxy, far too many to describe, but the main one to mention is the Estorian empire. A bunch of slaving arseholes made up of 5 species: you are to avoid them at all costs. The Terran Alliance currently has an agreement with them for each side to leave the other alone. As much as that's going to piss a bunch of you reckless idiots off, the government can't officially help you if you decide to do some hair brained scheme of justice and righteousness.

In general, try to stay within Terran friendly planets and avoid hostile governments, it's not that hard.

INTERACTING WITH XENO'S

Aliens are people too. 70% of issues I have to deal with are because you all seem to forget this. The Hatil may be the adorable merging of a puppy and a teddy bear, but picking them up and/or touching them: that's called 'assault and/or kidnapping'. Also people tend to react poorly to being called 'adorable' or 'cute'. Asking them if they're a good boy is just confusing. Again, they're sapient beings, use the one brain cell you're all sharing. Stop trying to get aliens to play fetch, it's weird.