LF Friends, Will Travel

A diplomatic rush job

Date: 69 PST (Post Stasis Time)

I had well and truly fucked up. In the history of my entire species, there was no other person who had fucked up nearly as much as I had just thirty minutes ago.

I hadn't meant to start screaming the way that I did, I hadn't meant to stand up on the table in the middle of the lobby and I most definitely didn't mean to use the language that I had. Regardless of what I meant to do, it didn't change what I had done. Screamed at and insulted the heads of the Ion Technoratti... in public... in front of everyone on this neutral Federation station.

This was not an action normally taken or accepted by a diplomat of the Schuvva symposium, by one such as myself, but the new membership requirements from the heads of the Ion Technoratti had been... insulting. 60% of our GDP in tithes, and a demand for 40% of our population to move off world, to inevitably end up in debt bondage, up from 30% and 20% respectively.

So I had raised my objections, followed by the arguments, followed by me ending up shouting and screaming at the four heads, followed by my species being removed from their protection. How was I going to explain this to parliament?

"So yeah, I didn't do my job as a diplomat, so now we've been kicked out of the only protection we have from the universe as a whole, so I guess we just die now."

We Schuvva were a species of giant mammalian lagomorph quadrupeds. As herbivores, we'd simply conquered our home planet by being faster and more challenging to prey upon than everything else. Upon reaching the stars over 200 years ago, our entire species discovered that this... wasn't enough. Being faster or more nimble than everyone else didn't matter on a planetary scale.

We'd found nothing but enemies and predators amongst the stars, at times often literally. Civilizations based on torturing and enslaving others, roaming genocidal AI straight out of our worst science fiction. For species like ourselves, remaining on a single planet with nothing much to offer, the only method of survival was to cosy up to one of the bigger groups in the area.

Nothing ever came for free. The Technoratti might be bleeding us dry through huge amounts of debt and required tithes, but they were the least painful option out of a whole universe's worth of terrible choices. They sucked, but at least they didn't enslave and torture entire races for fun, and in exchange they provided us with much-needed protection.

Protection we had just lost. Officially as of 25 minutes ago, the Schuvva symposium was once again alone in a hostile galaxy.

I held my head in my paws, giant ears slumped down in despair. Maybe if I went back groveling to the heads of the Ion Technoratti they'd consider letting us back in, maybe if-

"Hi, I'm Claire, I'm an ambassador for the Terran Alliance. "

I practically jumped out of my fur as the Terran sat down next to me, a large smile on her face and a hand outstretched towards my person. Strange furless bipeds from a harsh world, the Terrans were a relatively new race to the galactic community, having only reached the stars around seventy years ago. I didn't know much about them, the Schuvva not really having much dealings with anyone from outside those Technoratti allowed us to contact.

There was an awkward pause as this strange creature just stared at me for a solid twenty seconds while I stared back with a confused open-jawed expression. Eventually, Claire withdrew her hand, seemingly taking a moment to start again.

"I'm sorry, normally I'd work slower and nicer for this kind of proposal, but we can't go slow with this. I'm not even an official diplomat yet, but I've been given authorization to present you with this deal. Basically, time is of the essence because as soon as the Technoratti dickheads realize we're talking, they're going to try to contact you."