The Supernatural and Spiritual Findings of Thomas Theadore Johnson

So say I, The Questioning Ruler

When people ask me what I do and I tell them. Most of them laugh. Not for a short time. But a long time. It's rather insulting and embarrassing. I hear things like "oh so you are Tom Hanks from Ghostbusters?"

First of all it's Bill Murray. Second of all. I would never claim to be as good as the man who stared in not only many Wes Anderson films but also the movie Stripes. That is a line even I wouldn't cross. Regardless of how arrogant and prideful I may be at times.

I will tell you that yes. I do look into supernatural things. The things that can't be explained. The things that make even the most stark atheist start to look at God and all religions with a more careful side eye.

And no. It's never easy. It's never what I think. It's not like I see bodies flying around and crosses flipping upside down. Unfortunately some of my matters are more sinister. They are more ... subtle.

They say that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And they say that for a reason. He operates in the shadow. The demonic and evil forces I come against are as old as time itself. And they are cunning. They know humans. They know us well. Too well. Most scary movies mock them with how obvious they make themselves. Sometimes it takes years before any reasonable or manageable cases can be built on solid evidence. Because that's the other thing.

I don't even know if I believe myself.

Again, this is where people start to laugh for a second time. It's not like I wanted this job. I simply applied for it when I was young as an intern. I was probably eighteen at the time. I had no clue what the supernatural world could contain.

But as soon as I felt my first cold room. As soon as I looked into the eyes of a child who didn't even recognize her own mother. I knew. There was a force here that needed to be investigated. Documented and journaled. So here I am ten years later. I am the self proclaimed most prolific expert on the supernatural in the entire United States.

Oh did you think it was only me? No sir or mam. Just like the UN. There is a spiritual operations force that operates worldwide. In fact my mentor at the time of my internship was none other than Master Spiritual General Brother Nathaniel. A large Italian benedictine monk. The man could warm a room with his glowing presence. His heart was pure and most importantly he kept his wits about him. His knowledge of the supernatural was so advanced he'd been placed as European Head of Operations. Specializing in the most sinister and otherworldly of cases. He's met the Pope, The Dali Lama, The President, and various high level politicians. I even heard he gets regular calls from high level celebrities when they start to feel a little too anxious about some of the things they witness in high society. Can you blame them? I've heard Hollywood and the entertainment business can be treacherous.

But back to me. If I may brag a little. I did say I was prideful after all didn't I?

I'm up for a promotion. I received a call yesterday from spiritual high command.

The voice over the throwaway phone was formal and brief.

"Agent Thomas. I'd like to formally commend you on closing a total of 320 out of 322 cases. This is a high level achievement and I have submitted your name to the council for review. This message will now self destruct. Please step away from your mobile device or lose a limb."

Poetry. Pure poetry. What a voicemail. Customer service agents could learn a thing or two from these guys. So charming and yet, so, so... deadly?

Anyway. So I'm hoping you can join me on my quest. It's gonna be a ride. And I'm not sure where it will lead.