I love you (no homo)

Part Ten

When they reached their destination, Eddy let go of his hand, and Brett tried not to read it as a bad sign. They sat on the old yellow couch that someone had shoved in the corner of the room behind the door. Both of them rarely used it because it looked old and rather disgusting, and since it had served the university's students for who knows how long, it just seemed safe to assume it hadn't been cleaned since the day of its purchase. But that was the last thing Brett was thinking about right now. What he did notice, however, was this distance between them sitting that was bigger than usual.

"So..." Eddy said.

"So," Brett replied, regaining his ability to speak.

"You like me."

"Mhm."

"A lot."

"Mhm."

Brett couldn't remember having had such an awkward conversation with Eddy in over ten years of knowing him.

He scratched the back of his neck and asked, "And you like me?"

"Yes."

"A lot?"

"Uh-huh."

Brett didn't know what to say next because everything was clear and yet he felt like nothing was clear.

Finally, Eddy, who had been staring at his interlocked fingers all this time, glanced up at him. And they managed to maintain that eye contact for a while, and then they did what all best friends would do after confessing their love to each other - they started kissing as if their lives depended on it.

Brett couldn't remember if it was someone's initiative or a mutual decision, really. It's not like he could logically explain how it had happened. His brain overheated, no thoughts remained. He just knew that somehow his hand was on Eddy's cheek, and that by some unknown reason Eddy's fingers were entangled in his hair, and that their lips moved against each other like it was natural to them. He had wondered before if kissing a guy would feel much different than kissing a girl. He still wasn't sure but it definitely wasn't worse. Actually, it was nice. Very nice, even, until Eddy pushed him and pulled away.

"Wait, wait, wait! We can't!"

"What?" was all Brett managed to mumble in response, feeling still slightly dazed. He suddenly remembered that he hadn't brushed his teeth this morning and tried to discreetly check his breath. Shit, he hoped that wasn't the reason.

"Because Daniel! You know? We're kind of still dating!"

At the moment, Brett could barely remember that someone by that name actually existed. "Okay, then text him or something..."

"I can't do that, you psycho! Things like this shouldn't happen over the phone!"

They both fell silent, not knowing what to do with each other. Brett felt like he was coming back to reality, and honestly, he hated that reality. The reality in which Eddy had a boyfriend...

After a minute or so of just silence, Eddy slowly pulled out his phone and looked at the screen, then looked up.

"Now I really should break up with him," he said in a semi-joking tone, but the negative feelings didn't leave Brett.

He didn't want to say it and sabotage himself but he knew he had to, he had to exactly because he cared.

"Are you... serious? I mean, are you sure you want this?" he asked while Eddy was typing something on his phone. "You won't... you know, regret it? Only yesterday you said you were hesitating."

"And you?" Eddy turned the question back at him, glancing with a serious expression that made Brett nervous.

"I'm not sure," Brett admitted honestly. "But I want to try. It's just that I, unlike you, have nothing to lose."

And Brett believed it. Even if it wouldn't work out between them, he believed their friendship would be able to survive it. He was so attached to Eddy that he couldn't imagine that they would part ways just like that. Brett would honestly try his best not to let it happen.

Eddy looked down. "You know I wanted to leave him anyway. You just gave me some extra motivation. And if you were telling the truth and you actually want to be with me, then know that I want to be with you, too."

Brett's heart made a couple of flips hearing it but he tried to stay calm.

"Don't you think it's an impulse?" It was like this nice, empathetic friend Brett who wanted to make sure Eddy was making the right decision was fighting with the selfish lover Brett who was currently annoyed at him for even asking all these questions.

"Why are you asking me all of that?" Eddy seemed annoyed with him too. "Maybe you're the one who has doubts!"

Doubts. Funny. He stopped questioning his stupid thoughts about Eddy more or less a month ago.

Brett frowned his eyebrows and took in a deep breath. "Eddy, believe me, if I had a little less respect for you and the entire idea of a relationship, I'd insist that you completely blow him off and spend the whole day with me making out, cuddling, or whatever."

His friend raised an eyebrow and one could see that he was holding back a smile.

"I can arrange that as soon as I get back," he said, and Brett wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

"You're leaving?"

Eddy raised the hand with his phone. "Daniel wrote he is in the town square. I'll go talk to him. The sooner, the better."

"Okay. Wow, okay. Why am I so nervous?" Brett asked into space, feeling a bit like it was he who was going to break up with Daniel. "What are you going to tell him?"

"The truth."

"That I ruined your relationship?"

Eddy snorted with laughter.

"The world doesn't revolve around you, Brett," he said and stood up, then paused for a moment, thinking. "Although, to be honest, it is a bit related to you."

"What is?"

Eddy laughed uncomfortably and avoided eye contact. "I'd just always hoped to fall in love with someone the way I fell in love with you. But it didn't work out. And Daniel deserves someone for whom he won't be a second option. You understand, right?"

Brett didn't actually understand and felt a little lost. "What do you mean... the way you did with me? Are you... Were you in love with me? For how long?"

His friend looked at him as if Brett had asked something utterly stupid. "I hope you didn't think I magically fell in love with you after barely alive you shouted at me in the middle of the sidewalk and said, quote, 'When I think about you, I get this stupid warm feeling inside and I know it's your fault'."

Brett suddenly felt embarrassed enough not to ask for further explanations.

Eddy put his hand on the doorknob, but he didn't seem like he really wanted to get out. He turned around once more. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? And then we can... talk or something."

"Sounds good," Brett commented, and as soon as Eddy left, he buried his burning face in the cold pillow.