You're Like a Fire

Goodbye

God damned Jack Rackham. That stupid son of a bitch. I won't stop cursing his name until I get off this god forsaken island.

The palm fronds above shield my sunburnt skin from the burning orange sun. I avoid the shore, the sun reflecting off the water and only making matters worse.

Vane has went off the edge. Lost his mind as fate would have it. He lurks around, watching me for no reason at all. I found him yelling to himself, his words unintelligible, stomping in circles pulling at his hair. I wouldn't wish that type of madness on my worst enemy.

I need to get off this island. The longer I wait the harder it will be to get to the sage and find the observatory. That's the end game and that's what I have to focus on now.

I hope for Ade's safety. The things they would do to him if they sold him off and they found he was a pirate above all else. They'd want to strip him of any sense of freedom he's ever known. But Ade is smart, I know he'll be able to escape from Rackham along with those who were with him.

Just sitting like this makes me feel old. I'm twenty five. If I live long enough I can hope for fifty but that is too much to ask with the life I lead. My Caroline, I hope, has left me for someone worthy of her not a man who can't be there for her. It's painful to think of her moving on but it's even more so to think of her waiting for me. Hoping for my safe return.

Thatch never had a wife to my knowledge, nor Hornigold or Vane but Read had a husband. I can't even picture her in a dress, let alone marrying a man in one as she told him she loved him.

I brush the sand off my trousers, walking to a spring further into the jungle. The lush green leaves blocking my path as I part though them. I enter the clearing, walking to the edge of the pond. I sit along the edge, cupping water in my hands and taking long drinks to keep from the dehydration that I'm always fighting.

It's been almost a month now. Christmas has surely come and gone but I wasn't planning anything. I've killed too many to hope for this heaven everyone preaches about. I'd probably find myself drunk on a beach with my crew celebrating a holiday we'll be too wasted to remember the name of. I'd find myself a woman with dark hair, chocolate eyes, and ruby lips to take to bed.

I think of the woman I'd want and I only get one face. I can't think things like that. I have too much respect for her. I wouldn't think anything like this about my other comrades and I won't do it to her. I won't treat her differently now even though my drunken thoughts always lingered back to James Kidd, even before I knew.

Why is it the only one I can't have that I wish for? The idea of me having feelings for her is... absurd? God damn it, I don't know anymore. Being stuck on this island doesn't help. It only lets me think too much and that's not good for someone like me.

I sometimes wonder if she thinks the same and it's her pride keeping her but I know that's not the case. I don't know if she even considers me a friend. Like I deserve something like that.

I walk back to the beach, catching some small crabs. One pinches my finger, as I curse under my breath, like someone around would be offended if they heard.

I sit with my small gathering, breaking off a leg and pulling out what I can with my teeth. I feel the sharp press of something again my back.

"I'll take these oysters you've hoarded," his voice low like a growl, his eyes darting around.

"You mad sap. This island is crawling with food if only you'd care to look for it," I scold, feeling like I'm watching a child and not a man.

"I'm looking lout. Found some just here." He laughs bitterly.