No Strings Attached

Chapter 15: Hearts and Stars

"When I was little, Richie made me believe that the stars were fireflies. I could never understand why I couldn't reach them. But he taught me to wish upon them every night, and when one of them fell, like a shooting star, it meant that one of my wishes had come true."

Becca and Freen had been laying on a blanket in the soft grass, staring up at the sky. Their heads next to one another, but their bodies facing opposite sides, was strangely comforting and just intimate enough without crossing over into unfamiliar territory. Becca had her guitar resting over her torso and was playing random chords and strumming notes, just to match the relaxed mood they both fell into. It was already 10pm, after their practice session that day, and they had simply been talking about this and that.

When Becca had asked Freen to hang around they were both initially overcome with nerves, neither of them really knowing what to expect. Becca had no real plans by inviting Freen to stay and Freen had no idea what to expect. Uncertainty hung thick in the air at first, but once they got comfortable and started chatting it was very reminiscent of their school days as friends.

"I used to wish upon shooting stars, but they never seemed to grant me any luck. Maybe it's just another way to instill hope for us to cling to. Hope keeps us going." Freen sighed and tried to find the constellations, but struggled due to the many lights of the city obscuring the lights of the sky. "We need to get out of the city and get lost beneath the stars sometime."

Becca smiled and nodded, then started lightly strumming an old familiar song, softly singing along for a few seconds. "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and everything that you do, and it was all yellow..." Freen giggled lightly at her and gave her a fond sideways glance. Becca's skin seemed to glow in the gentle moonlight and Freen thought it made her look almost angelic.

"I can feel you staring at me..." Becca smirked and turned her head slightly to catch Freen's eyes: dark, almond-shaped and beautiful. They made her think of the backdrop of the star-fireflies. She turned her head back and gazed at the stars that she struggled to see. "Can I ask you a question? But for real this time, not in an angry way."

Freen lifted her brows, slightly worried about the question, but willing to give an answer to whatever Becca needed to know. "Sure... I can try my best to answer."

Becca took a deep sigh and carefully wove her words together. "You actually knew what Scott was like when you started dating him... I guess I just don't understand why. Like, why him? Why keep it up for so long?"

Freen took a deep breath. Answering that question felt like a mountain she had to climb, and she didn't really have the right gear to do so. She exhaled audibly and spoke with hesitation. "I don't really know... All the girls were crazy about him, so when he showed interest in me above everyone else it kind of made me feel special, you know? And then falling in with the popular crowd also boosted my self-esteem further. Eventually I just found myself moving with the flow. How I truly felt about it all and about myself, my identity, just got pushed down into a box deep inside of me. You know how confusing high school could be. It takes making mistakes before you learn what's real and what's right for you."

Becca remained quiet for a minute or two, mulling over Freen's words. "Did you ever feel pressured?", she asked then.

Freen nodded almost imperceptibly. "Eventually I felt the pressure of looking a certain way, acting a certain way, keeping up a certain persona. It's like it was expected of me - perfect Scott had to have a perfect girlfriend. I hated it. Even playing in his band I struggled with my creativity. I was a trinket on his arm."

Becca took it all in, appreciating Freen's deep dialogue in order for Becca to better understand the circumstances of what Freen experienced. It was so easy for Becca to make assumptions of what Freen's life was like after the two girls went their separate ways, but clearly she had been clueless and it made her feel quite guilty. She had underestimated Freen by a mile.