The Walls We've Built - ◈ ARMIN ARLERT X OC ◈

Chapter 28 - Too much, too soon

I continue to run, where to? I don't know now, all I know is the longer I run the further I will be from them, from him. The sight of his face plays on repeat in my mind, making me cry more than I ever have before, all I can hear in my head is 'How's Nicolas? How's Nicolas? How's Nicolas?' I abruptly stop myself out of breath, looking around the alleyway I stand in. I don't even know where I am, it doesn't matter, all that matters is that on that day Nick died and those two demons got to live.

"It isn't fair" I whisper to myself in unsteady breaths.

"It isn't fair." I say louder and become angrier with every word.

"It isn't fucking fair!" I rage, smashing my fist into the brick wall beside me, it's too late before I realise I've just thrown my wounded arm into a solid brick wall. The agony travels through my body, my mind is spinning and all I can see is walls. Caving in on me, closing around me, suffocating me and that's when I break, it all becomes too much and all I can do is scream. Dropping to my knees I keep screaming, tears streaming down my face, I can't stop the mixture of sobs and screams fill the air for no one to hear. I sit on the ground, my head facing the wall, I look up to the bricks, I analyse the little cracks that crawl across the surface. I don't know what to do anymore. I drop my head to the cold wall, I lift my head again and drop it back down to the wall.

"I don't know what to do." I whisper to myself, repeating the familiar motion. Lift my head, drop it into the wall, lift, drop, lift, drop. Each time it hurts more and more but I can't stop. If I think about the pain I won't think about them. Lifting my head again, small drops of blood stain my pants, I look up to see a mark of red stained on the wall. Reaching to my head I feel the crimson fluid drip down my face. Bringing my finger back down, I look at them covered in blood, the same blood that runs through their veins. My anger returns and I can't help but keep smashing my forehead into the wall. I continue to cry uncontrollably smacking my fists on the wall, I watch as more tears drop onto my knees covering my pants in puddles of blood and tears.

The soft sound of steps catches my attention for a moment, but I don't stop.

"Just think about the pain." I sob quietly to myself.

"Zariya?" I hear Armin's familiar voice call slightly out of breath, looking up at him, aware of how insane I must appear right now. His expression softens as he approaches me quietly.

"I- I don't know what to do." I stutter, still crying resting my head on the wall. Armin crouches next to me, I feel his gentle touch as he pushes my fringe behind my ear. I look up at him filled with sorrow and embarrassment, but it's hard to feel anything but safe when I get lost in his ocean blue eyes. He nods his head looking down on me with empathy, "You're going to be ok, it's going to get better." He hums to me and takes my hands in his, stopping them from shaking and from me hurting myself any more.

"How Armin? How can it get better when they get to live and he-" I stop myself, if I say his name one more time I don't think I'll ever stop crying. Armin wraps his arms around my neck pulling me into a hug, I quickly jolt away.

"Your uniform." I state but he pulls me in anyway.

"Can be washed. Just let it out Zariya, I'm here for you." He whispers into my ear drawing me closer. This time I let him, I let him hold me in his lap while I weep, I let him watch my cry uncontrollably. I told myself I would never let the world see this side of me but here with Armin, I just want him to hold me until I feel ok again.

My sobs and screams quiet down to a mere whimper but Armin continues to hold me to his chest.

"Zariya?" He sighs, pulling me closer to him.