The Ghost of You - A YokAyan Story

Chapter 4: Full Moon Night

AYAN's POV

I reluctantly admit that I haven't felt as comfortable and happy for a long time as I did last night in the company of Yok. Reflecting on the effortless and playful conversation we shared, along with the subtle flirtations exchanged between us, brings a smile to my face as I prepare for another day at work. It feels reminiscent of the excitement I used to experience in high school when I anticipated seeing my crush. I've lost count of how many times my gaze wandered towards Yok's smirking lips and twinkling eyes. I couldn't help but wonder if his lips would taste as sweet as his smile, or if his dark eyes would darken even more of desire if I dared to kiss him. These thoughts lingered in the back of my mind, and I had to suppress them repeatedly.

I hurriedly descended the stairs, skipping steps as I made my way towards Wat, who was waiting by his car, as always, engrossed in his beloved camcorder. I briefly thought that he must have recorded something interesting again. "Hey Aye, I'm sorry about last night, man. The director just couldn't wait for another day," he immediately apologized as I reached him. "Don't worry about it, Wat. I got home safely last night, didn't I? I'm sorry for bothering you in the first place." "Oh, please, you can bother me anytime. Namo doesn't seem to have an issue with that every day!" he scoffed. "How did you get home last night? Commuting must have been a nightmare," he remarked as we both got into his car. "A co-worker offered me a ride home," I replied. Surprised, he glanced at me. "Oh? You've already made friends? That's great news, Aye. You never did that during our entire time in college." "Yeah, he's nice," I weakly responded. "I'd love to meet him one of these days," he said, and we spent the entire drive to my workplace in comfortable silence. However, my mind was racing. Wat's observation was accurate. Throughout college, I was completely closed off, isolating myself to attending classes, spending time with my best friends, and staying in my room. I deliberately avoided large gatherings and consistently turned down numerous invitations for dates from both men and women, choosing instead to remain single. So why is it so easy for me to let Yok in? Could it be because he resembles Akk? I wondered as I gazed out the window.

Wat touched my arm, bringing me back to reality. "Aye, we're here." Noticing that we had arrived at my workplace, I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and thanked Wat for giving me a ride to work. We agreed to meet again tomorrow for the "weekly forum," as Thua had started calling it. "How are you getting home, then?" he asked as an afterthought, and I assured him that I would manage since I needed to retrieve my car as well. Bidding him farewell, I walked towards the office, failing to notice the guy smoking on the sidewalk until he nodded towards Wat's speeding car and remarked, "Your friend?" "Yes, that's Wat," I confirmed. Yok extinguished his cigarette and walked alongside me as we entered the office building. "I'll be busy all morning finishing a commission. Get me anything for lunch later," he said with a smile before walking away. I let out a visible sigh of relief that he didn't stay to chat further. Observing Yok's retreating figure, I wondered, how am I going to navigate this situation? It's daunting to feel both happiness and sadness simultaneously for one person. On one hand, I'm thrilled to finally develop feelings for someone beyond my small group of friends, but on the other hand, it saddens me because it seems like I'm only opening up because Yok reminds me of my Akk.

YOK's POV

Flicking away the ash from my second cigarette of the morning at the studio, I noticed Aye stepping out of a silver Mercedes. He had a visible smile on his face as he bid farewell to the driver, a good-looking man around our age. A pang of jealousy surged within me, as if those warm smiles from Aye should belong solely to me.

Oh, what a mess I've gotten myself into. I have no right to feel this way. Throughout the sleepless night, my mind swung between envisioning what would have happened if I had succumbed to the urge to kiss Aye last night when we said our goodbyes at his apartment door, and feeling apprehensive about these blossoming emotions. I've always been carefree, avoiding commitments. My art and my cause were the only things I truly cared about. Dan was the only exception to this mindset, and it led me down a dark path I never wished to revisit. So I made a conscious effort to avoid attachments, comfortable instead in taking the love 'em and leave 'em attitude. Never going back to the same person twice. It brought me a certain sense of peace and allowed ample space for my creative pursuits. So why is everything changing so rapidly? Why is it happening with Aye? I have no answers.

The rest of the afternoon flew by as I immersed myself in my work, and before I knew it, it was close to midnight. Feeling hunger gnawing at me, I decided to grab a bite at my favorite beachside food stall before calling it a night. This place was frequented by people like me who sought late-night haunts. After enjoying a delicious dinner of chicken and noodles, I opted for a brief stroll.

I took out a cigarette to light and caught sight of a solitary figure sitting on a blanket in a slightly secluded area of the beach, engrossed in scribbling in a leather-bound journal. As I drew closer, his face came into focus, and I realized it was Aye. He seemed so engrossed in his writing that he jumped slightly in surprise when I approached and called out his name. "Yok?" he whispered, taken aback. "What are you doing here?" I took a quick puff of my cigarette before responding, "I had dinner over there," gesturing towards the direction of the food stalls. "I decided to take a walk and stumbled upon you. What about you?" I glanced at the notebook, which he was now closing and placing in his backpack. "I come here to relax sometimes. I also ate at the stalls," he replied. "Can I join you here?" I asked, and he nodded as I settled down beside him.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Aye murmured softly after a period of comfortable silence, gazing at the moonlight reflecting on the water's surface. The radiant light bestowed a mystical quality upon the dark waves, a phenomenon often found on full moon nights. "Indeed, it is very beautiful" I responded, though my attention was more focused on Aye's profile as he wistfully admired the ocean. Perhaps it was the intensity of my gaze that caused him to turn his face towards me, and our eyes met. The darkening irises of his chocolate brown eyes, reflecting hints of moonlight, took my breath away. Unable to restrain myself, I found myself leaning closer, capturing those exquisite lips that had haunted my thoughts day and night since we met.

It was far from a gentle kiss; it possessed a sense of ownership, hunger, and unrestrainedness on my part. Ayan's lips were initially hesitant, but he quickly surrendered to the passion and intensity that mirrored my own. It felt as if he had cast aside all inhibitions and dove headfirst into the unknown depths of our emotions. The night took an unexpected turn. Who could have imagined that I would find myself in this situation, with Ayan willingly in my arms, our bodies entwined, and my hands caressing his hair and back, while he held my neck and kissed me with a fervor that left us both breathless? At that moment, it felt like we were on the verge of losing not only our breath but also our sanity and sense of propriety, tempted to go further right there on the beach. Eventually, we released each other and gazed into each other's eyes, our arms still entangled. In that moment, as I looked at him in those beautiful, expressive eyes, I vowed that nothing, not even myself, would prevent me from fully exploring this unknown territory with Ayan. It was too late now, Ayan, you are mine.